Tag Archives: sober

My Sunny Side: Thank You So Much!

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Thank you everyone who has shown me such incredible love and support over the last 5 months!

Today I celebrate over 1,010 of you!  It boggles my mind that so many of you have chosen to follow my blog.

As you know I have just entered my 9th month of sobriety.  I am not kidding when I say YOU have lots to do with that!  Your kindnesses, your occasional emails, your comments on my posts, all have contributed to my recovery and wellness.  I am eternally blessed to have your time, affection, and attention.

You give me courage to post some of my more difficult material.  You give me strength to consider even posting more difficult material.  You support me in my endeavors, and I only hope I can give back to you in like kind.

1000followers on justrumianting men's blogI am always here for you, no matter what you are going through.  You are welcome to email me any time at keatsj1964@gmail.com.  I write to release my life into the world.  But if there wasn’t a world filled with you’s, it would be kind of pointless.  So:

THANKYOU-THANKYOU-THANKYOU-THANKYOU-THANKYOU-THANKYOU-THANKYOU!

My Recovery: Not An Option

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It’s been a horrible 24 hours for me in my ongoing recovery.  For those of you who don’t know, I am currently in my 5th week of an Inpatient VA Alcohol Recovery Program.  Things had been going along fairly swimmingly until PTSD class.

Without notice trauma from my childhood reared its ugly head while another Veteran was sharing his story.  I unraveled slowly last night.

Then, during a group another Veteran disrespected me and threatened me several times.  My mild form of PTSD was in full blown fog.  Highly agitated and angry after the group, I was asked to return to the Director’s office to explain what happened.

Imagine, then, what state I was in when I reported to Dr. Roy’s office.  I explained to her, through full-blown tears, the drama of the last 24 hours, and the particulars of the Group incident.  I told you I have become an emotional sap…  Well, what happened was that the Veteran was just now ejected out of the Program for his behavior.

Great, now everyone here hates me and blame me for getting him thrown out.  As if losing the love of my lives wasn’t enough, now my “stable” sober environment is in quiet chaos.  But if I am totally honest, I didn’t get him thrown out.  He got himself thrown out for acting like a complete ass (and, I might add, for violating a major rule in the Program).

The bottom line with this post?  Never once have I thought about picking up.  It’s just not an option for me.  I am finding that my emotions are much more catabolic than I previously thought.  Even so, I know the simplest fact lies in these statements that I read in a book on recovery:

“I will drink tomorrow, just not today.”  

             “It’s simple dude, just don’t pick up.” 

                         “First time, last time.”

And as far as what everyone else thinks?  They haven’t bothered getting the actual story from me, so I could give two shits what they think of me.

Nothing will derail my sobriety.  Not childhood trauma–I will face it without self-medicating, not an ignorant Veteran–who, by the way, had previously exhibited shitty behavior towards me–nothing will derail my sobriety.  Nothing.  192 days and still rocking on!