Tag Archives: Robmoji

Robmoji: 10 Things I Hate

wp-1487697230562.png

Robmoji was created in late 2016 as my ID (Freud people). Irreverent and abrasive, Robmoji says things that are usually inappropriate and dramatic. So, if you are touchy, you may become aggravated with Robmoji.

WHO IS ROBMOJI?

So ya, I was on the crapper and I got to thinking about things I really hate, and things that really aggravate me.  I made this list to make it easier for you to pay attention.  You’re welcome.

*1.  I hate it when someone leaves the roll of toilet paper with, like two sheets left.  I mean, I have to bend over, hope my cheeks are staying open then duck walk to get a new roll.  Come on, you’ve all done it.

checks on justruminating men's blog

*2.  How about the lady who has been standing in line at the checkout with you–for like an hour–then decides she wants to pull out the checkbook at the counter.  WTF lady!  You couldn’t pull it out any time BEFORE then?  And who the hell uses checks anymore anyway?  Aren’t they like banned in 40 countries?

*3.  You think leaving the milk in the fridge with 2 drops left is fooling anyone?  Dope, I’m gonna know as soon as I pick it up!  Just finish it off and throw it away.  Same goes for the Peanut Butter.  You don’t do it with the clear jars do you?  Oh no, cause then I would know what the hell you’re up to!  Knock it off!

line on justruminating men's blog

*4.  Let’s see, can anyone give me a good definition for a LINE?  Lines have been around since Jesus gave those minions by the sea bread and fish, am I right?  Of course I am.  He stands in front of me.  I stand in front of her, in line, waiting our turns!

Nowhere does it say that YOU get to come up and cut the line.  Also, there is no letting someone cut the line!  You are not that important.  You don’t get to make that call.  There is an unseen force that is in charge of lines.  And it’s definitely NOT YOU!  Get in line with the rest of us chump.

*5.  Some people did not pay attention to Elmo when they were little.  Forget some dolts didn’t have tv, the word got around.  There is a RIGHT WAY to sneeze dammit!  NOT all over me, the food, the wall, the ground, the desk, the door.  NO!  Here it is for all you disgusting humans that are rude and gross, Elmo’s explanation on how to properly sneeze.  By the way, age isn’t an excuse, he’s been teaching kids how to sneeze for like, 1,000 years.  Initiate it into your life, TODAY for God’s Sake

*6.  People who push their pets into our faces should be shot on site.  YOU love your pet, I don’t.  I may have a pet one day and I can ASSURE YOU, I will NOT be posting it on Instagram, Telegram, Sam I Am, or any other place in the entire damn universe!

*7.  I have perused the internet on many dating sites in my day, so LADIES PAY ATTENTION:  If you are going to upload pictures, how about making them attractive?  Side shots of you walking, pictures of you freakin’ animals (see above, in case by some catastrophe you missed it).  Pictures taken from a mile away, photos from the Dark Ages WILL NOT procure you a normal human being.  I mean, do I really need to say this?  WAKE UP!  You are trying to find Mr. Right, not some knuckle-dragging troglodyte that has never seen the outside of a basement, right?

likers on justruminating men's blog

*8.  Mega likers just fuck off.  Go to hell and die on the way.  I know your game, you know your game, we all know your game.  You are so very stupid if you think you fool any of the people you are “liking.”  So stop, just…freakin’…stop.  Could be Facebook, Cookie Knook, Johnny’s Gook, Dummy Spook, anywhere.  STOP!

*9.  Ten mile long posts.  Why?  For the love of God why??!!  How much freakin’ time do you think I have anyway?  You can’t get your point across without trying to set a record for word count?  Sum it up chump!  Most of what you are writing is REDUNDANT!  Unless you are trying to solve the riddle of the universe, KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.  That’s why you’re stuck at -25 followers.  A picture or two wouldn’t kill you would it?  Ugh…

*10.  This list, ugh, I’m annoyed with it.  Good luck.

Robmoji: During Sex

Robmoji_fantastic

was created in late 2016 as my ID (Freud people). Irreverent and abrasive, Robmoji says things that are usually inappropriate and dramatic. So, if you are touchy, you may become aggravated with Robmoji.

WHO IS ROBMOJI?

Brought to you by Robmoji! I thought it would be fun to add some humor, or maybe something completely insane or different. I welcome your feedback.

What do you all think of my alter ego Robmoji? Haha! Thanks to Pooja, at lifesfinewine, for turning me on to bitmoji, it’s addictive!

WHO IS ROBMOJI?

sex on justruminating men's blog

Robmoji: Soulmates?

Robmoji is Robert Levasseur

Robmoji was created in late 2016 as my ID (Freud people). Irreverent and abrasive, Robmoji says things that are usually inappropriate and dramatic. So, if you are touchy, you may become aggravated with Robmoji.

WHO IS ROBMOJI?

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS YOUR SOULMATE!  We are all connected to the fabric of life; therefore, YOU don’t get to slice one out for your convenience.

Have you ever bothered to notice here in blog world, how many people are fucked up because of bad relationships?  No, I didn’t think so.  That’s because you have your head up your ass dreaming about “THE ONE.”

divorce

Wake up!  Divorce is at an all-time high.  Were you cheated on by the one that you thought was “THE ONE?”  Well that’s because he/she wasn’t!  Kill the unicorns, bury the flowers, run from the rainbow you disillusioned fools!

I know of maybe 2% of the entire population that is “happily” married.  And they are full of it!  We are not built for monogamy.  We are built to love many in our lifetimes.  I have the remedy for what ails you:  get your fucking head out of the clouds and wake up!  Robmoji has a simple solution for your retarded angst:

Here’s what you do.  You find someone you really like–or for cryin’ out loud “love.”  You make a deal with them:

When the flower and candy phase is over.  When ridiculous amount of texts, emails, phone calls trail off.  When you start moving to your side of the bed instead of–ugh-“snuggling.  When you’ve exhausted all possible sexual positions.  When she is watching TV and he is on the internet looking at porn, you should both just shake hands and thank each other for the wonderful relationship, and step off!

goodbye on justruminating men's blog

There you go!  No need to bellyache that you thought he/she was the one–because they weren’t–no need to start that downward spiral.  No need to cheat on one another.  No need to go over your friends and bawl about they don’t do this anymore, they don’t do that anymore.  Just shake fucking hands, wave goodbye, and tip-tip-tallyho!

Think about it:  you can remove a lot of bullshit by just knowing up front that the steak isn’t going to sizzle after a while, and you both want to eat at a different restaurant when that happens.  There’s over 7.35 BILLION people on the planet folks!!.  Do you honestly think you are going to find a damn soul mate out there?

Too much love literature, WAY too much fake tv fuels ridiculous notion of how love works.  It’s pathetic.  You’re pathetic for buying into that retarded pipe dream.  Don’t EVEN get me started on this fucking Twin Flames shit–I’ll just lose my mind.  Those folks are sniffin glue or something.

Go find a hot guy/gal, have a great time for about 9 months, then move on.  Enjoy the initial flame of love, and when your bottle rocket of romance hits the pavement, MOVE ON.  And by the way, don’t start whining about this post.  Deal with it.  And don’t comment to Rob, he still believes in that crap.  What a loser.  He makes me sick.

wp-1487942110306.png

Robmoji: Men Want You To Know

Robmoji, created by Robert M. Levasseur

Robmoji was created in late 2016 as my ID (Freud people). Irreverent and abrasive, Robmoji says things that are usually inappropriate and dramatic. So, if you are touchy, you may become aggravated with Robmoji.

 Well, here I am with another one of my famously famous lists.  However, I can’t take credit for this idea, I actually got it reading one of my all-time favorite poets blog:

Tosha is awesome, and her post “All About Men–A New List, inspired me to compile my list:  (things that we don’t tell you because we don’t want to get bitched at, and you say you want us to be honest but that’s not really what you mean what you really mean is agree with you do the honeydolist, hand me your paycheck and then shut the fuck up.)  Kidding, kidding.  Some of you take me waaaaaay to seriously.

But I digress.  So without further ado, after intensive research and surveys of thousands of men, I have come up with what I think would be 10 Things Men Want You To Know–fine, I didn’t survey thousands of men, I only surveyed myself.

*1.  Please stop complaining about us leaving the toilet seat up.  Here’s how this works:  we put it up without ever complaining, so you can put it down!

toilet seat

*2.  When you say “nothing” after we ask you “What’s wrong?” it makes us want to stop asking you what’s wrong.  Just open up and tell us–immediately, not after 5 hours of pushing, pulling, prodding.  Unless, of course, we’re the problem, then we’ll just leave you alone immediately.

That’s a special clause we use.  Yes, we know you have to “process” and that you need “alone” time.  Just stop saying “nothing.”  Hopefully you are not with a moron, so most of us get that that answer is horseshit.

*3.  We don’t know where “honey-do” list or “man-cave” came from, but you are strictly banned from using them.  They are stupid, idiotic, and relegate our manhood to some caveman era.  And they couldn’t really talk or write that well.  We can.  Whatever happened to “Hey honey, I’ll be in the DEN?”

sex

*4.  We love to keep things hot in the bedroom, and pretty much every other surface but places like a rigging well, an electrified fence, and isle 5 at Walmart–which has future possibilities. 

BUT, using sex as a weapon is a major problem.  Sex is sex, problems are problems.  When we fight we only want you that much more.  Sex as a weapon is a relationship killer, bet your life on it.

*5.  Keeping things hot and spicy in the relationship is a TWO PERSON JOB.  Sometimes we can’t tell you what we want, but try EVERYTHING, pretty sure that will work 99% of the time.  In other words, it’s not just the man’s job to come up with new places, ideas for sex.  Take some initiative (and NOT just on Valentine’s day) to keep us engaged.  The better half of us will do our part.

*6.  Along the lines of keeping things interesting:  What you like we like.  We love little notes stuck in our lunch, briefcase, pants pockets.  An email, a letter mailed to us–yes, you read that correctly.  The little things make all the difference.  At least some of us men still do get that.  But rarely is that reciprocal.

lovenote on justruminating men's blog

*7.  Complain to us about your life, the kids, work, the world.  Complain to your girlfriends about your girlfriends.  I am pretty sure that NONE of us want to listen to girl talk.  You know what we mean.  We are your “everything”, but not your girlfriend.

*8.  Taking healthy personal time with friends or alone does not mean we are not interested in you anymore, it means we need me time.  Be confident enough in your own skin that you can allow us to do this and not make us feel guilty about it later.  Notice I did say “healthy personal time” so don’t bug me out!

*9.  “What Are You Thinking?” Why is it important for you to know our exact thought process right this very second? The whole question itself is ridiculous and irritates the heck out of even the calmest and all-forgiving person.  Never ask this again please, and thank you!

yapping on justruminating men's blog

*10.  Over communicating.  Oh, the days of just a regular telephone, sweet silence!  Seriously girls. Is that necessary to call all the time? Bugging us and checking every tiny little detail during your day?!  Men do not like that much attention when it is over the top. To them, it lingers at the borderline of obsessive, demanding and jealous.

You don’t need to keep us updated about every move and every little detail, just as you don’t need to know what we are doing, where we are and what we are thinking about right now every minute of the day. Give us some space. Give us some time to miss you!

My mother’s tip for a successful relationship:  “NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY”  Happy loving folks.  I found this graphic, and I believe it includes all the components that are important except for wild sex.  What works for you?

Robmoji: 10 Childhood Crimes

Robmoji by Robert M. Levasseur

Robmoji was created in late 2016 as my Id. Irreverent and abrasive, Robmoji says things that are usually inappropriate and dramatic. Annamoji was meant to be Robmoji’s superego, but I didn’t do a lot of posts with her around.

Ugh, I’m so disgusted.  Ever since Annamoji came on the scene, she and Rob are having these crisis’s of conscience!  What does that mean for me?  DOOM!

They told me to confess my 10 worst childhood crimes (and later my top 10 Adult crimes) or they would relegate me to Rob’s subconscious again.  That’s some bullshit!  But, I like breathing fresh air and hitting on you chics here, so I guess it’s time to come clean.

All I ask is that you don’t judge me!  I haven’t been my “self” since there’s Rob and Annamoji to contend with!  You don’t know what it’s like to live with an Ego–Rob, and a Superego–Annamoji.  The struggle is real, dammit.  Any sympathy comments at the end are welcome.

Annamoji omg by Robert M. Levasseur

*1.  I almost burned down a tenement row when I was 8.  Me and my brother John went behind our apartment row and saw the door was open.  It was empty except for some paint cans.  I flicked a match I found into the paint can and we ran.  When we came back the paint can was on fire!  I ran to the faucet but the water was shut off.  We got the hell out of there.

We came back a little later on and the entire room was ablaze!  We got the hell out of there and across the street.  That’s when John exclaimed that smoke was coming out of the roof! 

We pounded on a neighbors door in another tenement row and the fire department came.  We got our pictures in the paper for saving the building.  My mother grilled us for an hour, saying she knew we had something to do with it.  We held up under the pressure.

*2.  I used to steal money off my father’s dresser and buy kids ice cream in elementary school.

*3.  I used to steal my mother’s jewelry and give it to girls I liked.

*4.  The first time I ever stole something from a store was gum at Bradlees.  I got caught and had to wait for my mother to come.  I got my ass tore up.

*5.  I completely destroyed the inside of a car wash adjacent to my house at age 12.  I stole a radio from inside, showed my brother Joe, and he ratted me out that prick.

Annamoji Oh No, by Robert M. Levasseur

*6.  Also at 12, I found out a kid had all these Liberty Silver Dollars in his house.  One day, I climbed up his front porch, broke into a window, and stole them.  He had over 150 of them.  My mother found them and locked them in a box that sat next to the refrigerator.  Sometimes it would be unlocked and I would steal some and use them for junk food and baseball cards.

*7.  I got kicked out of the Webster House–a group home for troubled teens, at 13 for smoking pot.  They shipped me to the Youth Detention Center.  YDC is a lock up facility for juvenile delinquents.

*8.  When I was 17, I worked at a gas station.  I walked into the office and there was a huge pile of money on it.  I stuck it in my pants and bolted out.  I circumvented the street grid, coming at the store from a different angle.  I shouted to my boss that someone was running out of the store.  Trying to deflect attention from me.  Of course, I was caught and had to spend weekends in jail for 6 months.

*9.  My new job at a resort in Weirs Beach, Laconia New Hampshire was another place I walked into the office, found a pile of money and stole it.  I walked back in 20 minutes later and the lady fired me.

*10.  In 1983, at age 18, I stole over 150 albums from a record store.  I tucked them under my heavy winter jacket.

I guess at some point I’m supposed to give you my top 10 Adult Crimes as well.  Yay for me.  Don’t be haters!

« Older Entries