Fighting My Mind
My brain can go 100 miles per hour. Sometimes my thoughts land on the past, or wonder about the future. However, if I catch myself going down a rabbit hole and negative emotions start to creep in about either the past or the future, then I know I have to center myself back to the here and now.
Living in the now is the most effective tool in my recovery toolbox. I don’t let myself get caught up in regrets from my past behavior while I was using. I try not to dwell on my traumatic childhood; although I do have the tendency to have intrusive thoughts about it.
What I do in those situations is to narrow my field of vision to what is happening to me at the present moment. I start to incorporate mindfulness as a way to bring myself front and center of my life. Mindfulness allows me to become present in my thoughts and emotions in the immediacy of time. It is one of my 5 Pillars of Recovery. Living in the Now is also one of the Pillars of My Recovery.
If I don’t pay attention to the tapes playing in my head, I can easily slip into my past or wonderment over the future. However, the past is an illusion of reality. It only exists in the mind. It was once my NOW, but is not any longer. It has absolutely no impact on my NOW. That is, if I do not allow it.
When I am able to fully embrace the concept of Carpe Diem (Seize the Day), then I am fulfilling my full potential. For, only in the present am I able to make things happen. The things that HAVE happened are no longer. The things that HAVE NOT happened are the mind’s illusion for creating a future that is only illusion.
By living in the present I remain free of the shackles of the past, and I remain free of the illusion of the future. I cannot live in three separate realities. There is only one reality. And, most of the time, I am able to maximize that one reality by not allowing myself to slip into the illusions of past and future.