Tag: loving

The Sum Of These

There are days
meant for living
and there are those
that are unforgiving.

Dreams can soar
and fly so high
and they can fall
and wither and die.

Life can be easy
a joy to feel
or feed you poison
and make you reel.

Loving can be
a precious thing
or all your blood
from you wring.

The sum of these
can happiness make
or punch you out
and make you break.

And We Are One (+17)



I inhale your scent
exhale my tender intent
a love song which portends
dreamy passion of my fashion.

My gaze of adoration
reflections of adulation
light from your eyes urging
my burning flame surging.

Such a sigh of lust that slips
as I taste the nectar of your lips
it scorches my heart and erupts
divinely sublime inferno so timely.

Tease and caress you finesse
you my muscles are tensing
as they are pressing your flesh
in futility your will in humility.

Your glorious breasts rise urgently
swell and heave so fervently
my need insane furious curious
I shiver and sigh thigh to thigh.

Breath on your flower scented neck
my desires intent and hell bent
on igniting your desire a fire
within eternal aching infernal.

My persistence shatters resistance
cling to me groan sing to me moan
and expand soaring now pouring
a river of velvety liquid is nuclear.

My raging rigid insistence in you
heavenly fury milking me clutching me
our rhythm in unison pulsating fantastically
ecstasy evolves releases itself masterfully.

Eye to eye each universe collides
behold my splendor my love my deed
my seed hurdles the cosmos then subsides
shattering our otherness we fulfill our need.

I hold you softly tenderly resting serenely
replete with the scene sleeps serendipity
casually and completely cascading
fading away for the day
is done and we are one.

My Miscellany: Let’s Talk About Kissing (part I)

wp-1485298089762.jpgRudy Clark had it right when he wrote “The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss).”  You want to know if a man really loves you?

“If you want to know if he loves you so
It’s in his kiss
That’s where it is”

I truly believe that.  More on this in Part II of this.  I don’t know when it happened in my last horrendous relationship, but it most certainly was almost 2 years ago:  I remember one day when we were about to get at it, me thinking about Cher’s version of that song:  “can she tell it’s not in my kiss anymore?” 

The anguish and pain she had besieged me with for so long had finally done it:  my kiss was dead for her.  I was going through the motions and that–as I’m sure many of you can relate to– is the kiss of death to any relationship, the loss of passion and desire.  Why I didn’t leave for for almost another year and a half is the subject of another post.

Anyway…before we explore the kiss, I want to set this most important scene.  This scene will come to define the very essence of why the kiss was, and always will be, a most profound circumstance!

I want to tell you a story about a 12 year old boy.  A boy, who up to that point, had never known happiness or peace.  A boy abused.  A boy shunned by all the other kids.  A boy beaten and forgotten in his own home.  A lonely boy.  I remember the desolate feelings that constantly pervaded my thoughts.

I cannot remember much of my childhood before the age of 12.  I have fleeting images that come and go, but I have blocked most of it out.  I am sure it is some form of detachment; a form of self-preservation.  But I remember never having any friends.  I remember day after day of playing by myself.  I was always picked last in gym.

Lonely Child Seesaw

I always stood off to the side and watched and listened to the kids playing in the schoolyards.  It was always that way.  I remember weeks on end of being locked in my room.  I remember the visits to my Aunt’s house, my older cousin.  I remember the sadness.  I wasn’t a bad kid, it’s just nobody really paid attention to me.  Or, if they did, it was for trauma and abuse.

Then I kissed Angela.

I was about 12.  I was hanging around the back of the Elementary school when some boys told me there was a girl in the alcove who would kiss me if I went up to her.  It’s been over 40 years and I still remember my heart pounding out of my chest as I approached her.  I still remember the devastating look she gave me.

She smelled like a garden of a million flowers!  She was a lovely thing!  She was a gorgeous thing.  She was a fragile thing.  And when I kissed her, my world exploded into a thousand colors!  And it was no peck and run!  No, this was a deep and haunting kiss.  A transforming kiss.  A kiss that pulled something from deep within my soul that has nurtured and comforted me through all the rest of my 40 years on this earth.colors

I truly believed I had not seen colors in the world until that moment.  I just looked into her eyes and then bolted!  I remember staggering out of the alcove, the boys asking me how it was, but I just took off.  My heart pounding, an energy filled me from head to toe.  My inner sanctity was never the same.

Looking back I realize that I found love!  I found joy!  I found a serenity I had never known.  I found something else, but that wouldn’t be defined on that particular day, lol.  Or, all of that had more than likely found me!  For weeks I would walk by her foreboding house, aching to knock on the door and talk to her.  I had to see her again!  I was in love.

Alas, one day I did approach that scary looking door.  The porch crooked and dominated with broken furniture and pervasive shadows.  Finally, one hot summer day, I knocked on the door and stepped backwards, heart thundering out of my chest.  Then, abruptly and violently, the door swung open and the scariest man I think I have ever seen in my life stepped up and I turned and cleared the four porch steps and never approached the house again.  I never saw Angela again.  But I was inexorably changed for the rest of my life.  Because I kissed Angela.

(part II:  my search for that feeling again)

My Miscellany: What’s Your Language?

wp-1485298089762.jpgThere is a very popular book that I am sure many of you are familiar with:  The 5 Love Languages.  It theorizes that we humans basically respond to any 1 of 5 (or several) major love languages.  Now, I’m all for simplifying love, but I’m a bit concerned that some might worry about their language, rather than their experience in love.

What I mean to say is, given that we can express our love in many different ways, on many different levels, how effective is this notion that we can pigeon-hole our experience with our significant other by labeling it 1 of 5 ways?

We all speak these languages at one time or another, and in combination as well.  Hell, I would venture to guess on Valentine’s Day many men hit all the 5 languages!  Alas, only to fall back into…?  My point is,  I’m not sure I am buying into labeling experiences in love that should be spontaneous and superfluous.  Labels, dear reader, can be dangerous!

5languagesBut, it certainly makes for an entertaining post!  And, I can see some merit in the fact that you might appreciate or two Languages over some others.  So, for a refresher-and for those who might not be familiar-her are the 5 Love Languages according to Mr. Chapman.  Do one or two of these languages speak more loudly to you than others?  I’d venture to guess which ones.

Interestingly, there are some that one might fixate on too much.  That is to say, do we all know someone who expresses their love by the amount of gifts they like to give, yet are never present for time together?  Or how about the person who has to constantly be told they look good?  Oh yes, I am sure we do.  If anything, this exercise in compartmentalizing love, one can learn where one is deficient in the overall language of love.  Or not.  I’m just having a little fun tonight…

1) = Words of Affirmation (see:  constantly having to stroke your ego, or speak Fido!)

language3You feel extremely loved when your partner compliments you on the way you look or on the things you have done. You love their encouragement and verbal support and save their cards and love notes as some of your most precious items. You are always filled with such love when you receive a card they’ve written that expresses their heartfelt love for you in their own litle way, little poems they might write, or if they ring you spontaneously during the day to say they love you.

2) = Acts of Service (see:  no matter how much I do it’s never enough, or stop being lazy)

actsofserviceYou feel so loved when your partner does little things to help you. You always notice when they are thoughtful and put themself out to assist you, even if you could do those things yourself. There is such a sense of love and thankfulness you feel when they do this.

3) = Physical Touch (see:  stop being saran wrap, or keep the flames burning)

physicaltouchYou feel especially loved when your partner touches you in loving ways. Whether it’s a spontaneous kiss, playful cuddle, or gentle, loving touch on the arm, you feel that touch convey the love your partner feels. You don’t understand why people would prefer to sit far apart on different chairs or couches, when they could be touching or in each other’s arms. When walking together, you really enjoy your partner reaching out to hold your hand, and you’d never say no to them giving you a massage.

4) = Quality Time (see:  omg can’t I just play golf on sundays?  or, it’s not all about you)

language6There’s nothing that makes your feel more loved than spending quality one-on-one time with the person you love. Great conversation and eye contact, flowing conversation, laughter and just being together. While fancy gifts and kindly spoken words are nice, you’d trade them any day for uninterrupted “together” time. You love it when your partner’s mobile phone is turned off or they sacrifice other important activities to spend time with you. Whether it’s fancy restaurant or just cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie and laugh about it together, you’re happiest when you can share experiences together.

5) = Gift Giving (see:  gold diggers, or stop being a stingy s.o.b.)

giftsThere’s nothing better than receiving a thoughtful gift to make you feel loved in a relationship. Whether it’s a single flower or something much more expenisive, you love being fussed over, spoilt and thought of. The fact that your partner thought to give you something then organised it is very meaningful to you.

Let’s all try to incorporate ALL the 5 Languages ALL the time!  See if you can concentrate on which ones your partner seems to respond to the most.  So tell me, which language gets you all warm and fuzzy?

Their Overdue Kind

preparations on justruminating men's blog








Trying to find
sweeter emotions
healing words
loving thoughts
warm devotions
caught up in
a twisted world
of darkness
they rush away
with wintry winds
they laugh
they mock
my heart rescinds.

Their return
their return
So I yearn
for their impressions
to reflect in the
lake of my being
mirrors for
their freeing.

Until then I will
sit in
silent repose
strike a pose
of stillness
of solitude
and wander the
corners of my
making preparations
for their overdue