Tag: lists

Robmoji’s List: What Men Want You To Know

wp-1487810209444.pngWHO IS ROBMOJI?

 Well, here I am with another one of my famously famous lists.  However, I can’t take credit for this idea, I actually got it reading one of my all-time favorite poets blog:

Tosha is awesome, and her post “All About Men–A New List, inspired me to compile my list:  (things that we don’t tell you because we don’t want to get bitched at, and you say you want us to be honest but that’s not really what you mean what you really mean is agree with you do the honeydolist, hand me your paycheck and then shut the fuck up.)  Kidding, kidding.  Some of you take me waaaaaay to seriously.

But I digress.  So without further ado, after intensive research and surveys of thousands of men, I have come up with what I think would be 10 Things Men Want You To Know–fine, I didn’t survey thousands of men, I only surveyed myself.

*1.  Please stop complaining about us leaving the toilet seat up.  toilet seatHere’s how this works:  we put it up without ever complaining, so you can put it down!

*2.  When you say “nothing” after we ask you “What’s wrong?” it makes us want to stop asking you what’s wrong.  Just open up and tell us–immediately, not after 5 hours of pushing, pulling, prodding.  Unless, of course, we’re the problem, then we’ll just leave you alone immediately.

That’s a special clause we use.  Yes, we know you have to “process” and that you need “alone” time.  Just stop saying “nothing.”  Hopefully you are not with a moron, so most of us get that that answer is horseshit.

*3.  We don’t know where “honey-do” list or “man-cave” came from, but you are strictly banned from using them.  They are stupid, idiotic, and relegate our manhood to some caveman era.  And they couldn’t really talk or write that well.  We can.  Whatever happened to “Hey honey, I’ll be in the DEN?”

*4.  We love to keep things hot in the bedroom, and pretty much every other surface but places like a rigging well, an electrified fence, and isle 5 at Walmart–which has future possibilities.  sexBUT, using sex as a weapon is a major problem.  Sex is sex, problems are problems.  When we fight we only want you that much more.  Sex as a weapon is a relationship killer, bet your life on it.

*5.  Keeping things hot and spicy in the relationship is a TWO PERSON JOB.  Sometimes we can’t tell you what we want, but try EVERYTHING, pretty sure that will work 99% of the time.  In other words, it’s not just the man’s job to come up with new places, ideas for sex.  Take some initiative (and NOT just on Valentine’s day) to keep us engaged.  The better half of us will do our part.

*6.  Along the lines of keeping things interesting:  What you like we like.  We love little notes stuck in our lunch, briefcase, pants pockets.  An email, a letter mailed to us–yes, you read that correctly.  The little things make all the difference.  At least some of us men still do get that.  But rarely is that reciprocal.

lovenote on justruminating men's blog

*7.  Complain to us about your life, the kids, work, the world.  Complain to your girlfriends about your girlfriends.  I am pretty sure that NONE of us want to listen to girl talk.  You know what we mean.  We are your “everything”, but not your girlfriend.

*8.  Taking healthy personal time with friends or alone does not mean we are not interested in you anymore, it means we need me time.  Be confident enough in your own skin that you can allow us to do this and not make us feel guilty about it later.  Notice I did say “healthy personal time” so don’t bug me out!

*9.  “What Are You Thinking?” Why is it important for you to know our exact thought process right this very second? The whole question itself is ridiculous and irritates the heck out of even the calmest and all-forgiving person.  Never ask this again please, and thank you!

*10.  Over communicating.  Oh, the days of just a regular telephone, sweet silence!  Seriously girls. Is that necessary to call all the time? Bugging us and checking every tiny little detail during your day?!  Men do not like that much attention when it is over the top. yapping on justruminating men's blogTo them, it lingers at the borderline of obsessive, demanding and jealous.

You don’t need to keep us updated about every move and every little detail, just as you don’t need to know what we are doing, where we are and what we are thinking about right now every minute of the day. Give us some space. Give us some time to miss you!

My mother’s tip for a successful relationship:  “NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY”  Happy loving folks.  I found this graphic, and I believe it includes all the components that are important except for wild sex.  What works for you?

relationship on justruminating men's blog

Robmoji’s List: Hot Bloggers

wp-1487765548846.pngWHO IS ROBMOJI?

Ya, ya, I know:  “Robmoji don’t you know you’re objectifying women?”  Give me a break.  Today’s list is merely pointing out that you can be hot AND be smart, so pump the brakes on the judgments–Robmoji don’t play that.

That’s right, I am doing a great service to society by helping eliminate the stereotype of “All looks, no brains.”  So don’t get your panties in a bunch!  Don’t rain on my parade!

These women write some damn good blogs besides.  Don’t be writing me talking shit.  Oh, and if you comment, keep in mind this is MY post, not Rob’s!  I’m so sick of getting confused with him.

Oh I do love the ladies.  And besides, all of these hotties support Rob’s blog, and that means more readers for me!  So, without further ado, here is a list (there are way more, but I had to stop somewhere!), and in no particular order, of 15 of the hottest–and bestest–bloggers I know.  I know many more, but this is only supposed to be a top 10 list!

Marriage proposals accepted on a first come, first serve basis.  Don’t all fight over me at once!

All names are linked to one of their mighty fine posts.  Go read them!

sevenstarhalo

teamloza

toshamichelle

adecynlougar

Alalyak

poetem

sobermami

 

anisha

bloomwellnessblog

raynotbradbury

nigarzindani

giulia

madamezenista

taylorwp-1487769712819.png

Robmoji’s List: 10 Things I Hate

wp-1487697230562.pngWHO IS ROBMOJI?

So ya, I was on the crapper and I got to thinking about things I really hate, and things that really aggravate me.  I made this list to make it easier for you to pay attention.  You’re welcome.

*1.  I hate it when someone leaves the roll of toilet paper with, like two sheets left.  I mean, I have to bend over, hope my cheeks are staying open then duck walk to get a new roll.  Come on, you’ve all done it.

checks on justruminating men's blog*2.  How about the lady who has been standing in line at the checkout with you–for like an hour–then decides she wants to pull out the checkbook at the counter.  WTF lady!  You couldn’t pull it out any time BEFORE then?  And who the hell uses checks anymore anyway?  Aren’t they like banned in 40 countries?

*3.  You think leaving the milk in the fridge with 2 drops left is fooling anyone?  Dope, I’m gonna know as soon as I pick it up!  Just finish it off and throw it away.  Same goes for the Peanut Butter.  You don’t do it with the clear jars do you?  Oh no, cause then I would know what the hell you’re up to!  Knock it off!

line on justruminating men's blog*4.  Let’s see, can anyone give me a good definition for a LINE?  Lines have been around since Jesus gave those minions by the sea bread and fish, am I right?  Of course I am.  He stands in front of me.  I stand in front of her, in line, waiting our turns!

Nowhere does it say that YOU get to come up and cut the line.  Also, there is no letting someone cut the line!  You are not that important.  You don’t get to make that call.  There is an unseen force that is in charge of lines.  And it’s definitely NOT YOU!  Get in line with the rest of us chump.

*5.  Some people did not pay attention to Elmo when they were little.  Forget some dolts didn’t have tv, the word got around.  There is a RIGHT WAY to sneeze dammitt!  NOT all over me, the food, the wall, the ground, the desk, the door.  NO!  Here it is for all you disgusting humans that are rude and gross, Elmo’s explanation on how to properly sneeze.  By the way, age isn’t an excuse, he’s been teaching kids how to sneeze for like, 1,000 years.  Initiate it into your life, TODAY for God’s Sake.

*6.  People who push their pets into our faces should be shot on site.  YOU love your pet, I don’t.  I may have a pet one day and I can ASSURE YOU, I will NOT be posting it on Instagram, Telegram, Sam I Am, or any other place in the entire damn universe!

*7.  I have perused the internet on many dating sites in my day, so LADIES PAY ATTENTION:  If you are going to upload pictures, how about making them attractive?  Side shots of you walking, pictures of you freakin’ animals (see above, in case by some catastrophe you missed it).  Pictures taken from a mile away, photos from the Dark Ages WILL NOT procure you a normal human being.  I mean, do I really need to say this?  WAKE UP!  You are trying to find Mr. Right, not some knuckle-dragging troglodyte that has never seen the outside of a basement, right?

likers on justruminating men's blog*8.  Mega likers just fuck off.  Go to hell and die on the way.  I know your game, you know your game, we all know your game.  You are so very stupid if you think you fool any of the people you are “liking.”  So stop, just…freakin’…stop.  Could be Facebook, Cookie Knook, Johnny’s Gook, Dummy Spook, anywhere.  STOP!

*9.  Ten mile long posts.  Why?  For the love of God why??!!  How much freakin’ time do you think I have anyway?  You can’t get your point across without trying to set a record for word count?  Sum it up chump!  Most of what you are writing is REDUNDANT!  Unless you are trying to solve the riddle of the universe, KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.  That’s why you’re stuck at -25 followers.  A picture or two wouldn’t kill you would it?  Ugh…

*10.  This list, ugh, I’m annoyed with it.  Good luck.