Tag: death

Restless Repose

broken on justruminating mens blog
I am broken
my bones
will not endure
this sum of
under the
loveless sun
they are crushed.

Peer long
into this grave
this pit of
this black permanence
no heart is
left there
snuffed out
by potentialities
by unrealities
all great illusions
die this way.

Deep is my
cold in my
chest it
suffocates me
entombs me
a gathered gloom
is frozen recompense
for all my
hopes and delusions
put to sleep

I lie in
restless repose
no lover’s kiss
for me
my woeful screams
are unheeded
by anyone that
could matter
did matter
I’m forgotten
in this permanent
filth of despair.

My Mother Cannot Love

momcannotlove on justruminating men's blogmy mother cannot love

her heart dead with death
barely feels the air pass by
the soaked filter of her butt.

my mother doesn’t love

curtains cast shadows in her view
doesn’t matter though same scene
different day must be comforting.

my mother has no love

who isn’t there for real her fiction
pumps life into her imprisoned mind
while nicotine fingers stub out the rest.

my mother lost her love

more vague delusions must choke
the life right out of her sunken chest
memories dying over time repeatedly.

[My mother passed in 2013.  I wrote this piece 10 years prior. This is a memory from when I was 12.  She used to just sit at the table and drink the tea she had me make and stare out of the window.  I never knew why until I got much, much older.  Thank God we made our amends together.  She is with my brother–who died at 8–and sister who died at 3.]

I Shall Always Soft Sigh


Dare not within darkness let our love bay
tend not in woe of our days that are done
fight wet hot tears and in bed do not stay
rise up glad knowing that we are still one.
Let this day dally long languish slow soar
sing old sun’s glory as it strays sure high
sing so content softly pen our sweet score
my love oh my love in absence won’t die!
Always true that swift rivers reach the sea
somber white moon quiet crosses the sky
Winter each year allows snow to fall free
to my cold death I shall always soft sigh
Blessed and true I am grateful each day
That such a love as you had come my way.


process on justruminating men's blogthe day comes when breath
heaves once and is gone
decrease of uprising
morosely easing into…

and then the stark vision
of darkness and shapes
aged in a centruy until
dust to know the earth again

to where it flies and splashes
harmoniously spins neatly
joins the awesome pulse grasps
knowledge ebbs slowly inward

unknown there save newer
land tilled and weeded again
damp magnificent space and
then again co-joined reality

strengthened mightily one
time in timeless beauty
breathing in and screaming
out until it pulses again

this is nature’s law without
restrictions this is life
kissing death in unison

You Are Missed John

My brother John was hit by a car and killed on Christmas morning, 1975.  I was with him.  He was 8 and I was 11.  I found the only picture I have of him.  I wanted to post it up here in his memory as a message of love, not sadness.

Be grateful for who you have in your life this Christmas!  If you don’t have anyone, treasure a stranger!  Treasure a homeless person.  Treasure a Veteran.  Life is too short, we are gone in a moment.

Don’t wait to let someone know you love them!  Let go of petty jealousies, perceived injustices, resentments…Be brave in your love.  Be the bigger man or woman.  Reach out with gratitude and lovingkindess this holiday!  We all know that Christmas is not about Santa Claus, Reindeer, candy canes and Christmas trees.  It’s about love.

This is a message of love for you.  Don’t wait until it’s too late!  That is why I am posting his picture, as a reminder that Christmas isn’t about what you have, it’s who you have in your life.  Gods bless each and every one of you today, tomorrow, Christmas, and beyond.

I think John is 1 or 1 1/2 years old in this photo.  I am 3 or 3 1/2 and my half brother Joey was 6 maybe?

John, Me, Joey