Tag Archives: alcoholism

AA Today: Am I Receiving Strength?

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AA Today are daily readings from the bookTwenty-Four Hours A Day.”

“Twenty-Four Hours A Day is intended for members of Alcoholics Anonymous as a help in their program of living one day at a time.  It is designed for those who want to start each day with a few minutes of thought, meditation, and prayer.”

April 11, 2021

In that alcoholic world, one drink always leads to another and you can’t stop till you’re paralyzed. And the next morning it begins all over again. You eventually land in a hospital or jail. You lose your job. Your home is broken up. You’re always in a mess. You’re on the merry-go-round and you can’t get off. You’re in a squirrel cage and you can’t get out. Am I convinced that the alcoholic world is not a pleasant place for me to live in.

Meditation for the Day

I must learn to accept self-discipline. I must try never to yield one point that I have already won. I must not let myself go in resentments, hates, fears, pride, lust, or gossip. Even if the discipline keeps me separated from some people who are without discipline, nevertheless I will carry one. I may have different ways and a different standard of living than some others. I may be actuated by different motives than some people. But I will try to live the way I believe God wants me to live, no matter what others say.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be an example to others of a better way of living. I pray that I may carry on in spite of hindrances.

In Recovery:  Part 7 Cherry Street II

Special Note: I use lots of pictures, videos, animations, flipbooks, and other cool layouts and features which can be best appreciated by reading this post on my blog. Mobile View will not give you the very best experience.

Get The Full Experience Here

From jail, to the end of my treatment in 3 different V.A. Treatment Centers, this part of My Story uncovers the journey of my recovery. I vividly, and candidly chronicled my day to day struggles with recovery, mental health, amends, and dealing with the V.A. empire on my blog from October of 2016, to the end of 2017. You can find these musings in the Archives. However, in the coming weeks, I look back at those experiences and give you a more coherent story of my life In Recovery. I look back on that year with more insight as to what was happening, and share with you the principles and actions that built the foundation for my ongoing recovery.

Before RecoveryPart 1: A ProblemPart 2: Jail TimePart 3: Reality CheckPart 4: VA Program
Pt. 5: Jamaica PlainPt. 6: Brockton IPt 6: Brockton IIPt 6: Brockton IIIPt. 7: Cherry St. I
Pt. 7: Cherry St. IIPt. 7: Cherry St. III
View Across The Street From Cherry Street
Cherry Street and CWT

In Cherry Street I, I discussed the main three characters who were my main go-to healthcare providers. My relationships with Kurt Z. and Dr. M. were mainly contentious. Those individuals would continue to negatively impact my life during my entire stay at the Cherry Street domicile. The cornerstone of the program was doing the work of Compensated Work Therapy (CWT).

Cherry Street was a program designed to assist Veterans wishing to transition out of VA care and into managing a life on our own. There was a strong emphasis on Vocational Rehabilitation. It involved working a 40 hour work week at various jobs at the VA in Leeds, Massachusetts. The other component of the program was therapy. Group therapy and independent therapy.

We split our time between programs involving other residents, and our own individual therapy programs. Most Veterans stayed between 9 months to a year; the time when the program expired, with the expectation that we were ready to transition to independent living while still receiving outpatient therapy to assist us along the way. I was involved with the program from April 23rd, 2017 to November 7th, 2017.

My CWT Experience

My first CWT job was as a dishwasher in one of the VA Cafeterias. I hated the job. Mainly because it was boring and repetitive. I was placed in this job because my Voc. Rehab. rep couldn’t find a job more suitable to my abilities. I worked as a dishwasher for about a month before I was given a sweet gig as gym monitor.

I worked as a gym monitor for about two months before I was removed from that position because I had left the gym unattended to go to a therapy appointment. I guess some of the resident Veterans of the on campus VA complained that it was locked during open hours.

After A Hard Day of Housekeeping

All I had to do in that job was wipe down the equipment, answer the phone, and trade barbs with some of the older Veterans that frequented the gym. I got to read a lot during my time there. Two days a week I had to go to one of the residences and play the part of activities assistant. I hated that component because there really weren’t that many activities to oversee: many of the Veterans in that particular domicile were fairly catatonic and unresponsive.

In mid-June I got reassigned from my position as gym monitor to Housekeeping. This super-sucked. I now had to get out of bed at 4:30 a.m. to make sure I got a ride onto the VA campus for attendance at 5:45 a.m. I am not a morning person whatsoever, so this was a real burden on me as I also had trouble going to bed early enough so I wasn’t catatonic for the next days shift.

The work was arduous and gross. Each day I would be assigned to a Team Leader and was responsible for cleaning various buildings on the VA campus. Mostly I cleaned disgusting bathrooms, washed windows, vacuumed common areas; all the while sweating my ass off all day. Everyday for 5 months I toiled away at the job and struggled daily to maintain some semblance of a sleep schedule.

My Recovery Work

When I was at the Brockton VA, I was very active in my recovery. I worked tirelessly on my blog for one. This recovery blog was really active during the months of February and March of 2017. By May of 2017 I completely stopped blogging altogether. I was no longer blogging for the purpose of recovery. I was blogging for the number of comments I would receive and chasing the likes. So I quit blogging. Besides, computers weren’t as easily accessible, so there was that.

Recovery Coins

I was also meditating and reading a lot when I was at Brockton VA. Unfortunately, because of the times I had to work–and because I was often exhausted–I pretty much stopped doing those activities as well. I spent most of my time napping or just lazing around in a daze.

In early June, I would take an aggressive stance against my caseworker, Kurt Z, and his staff for his failure to approve a 10 day absence from the program to be with my girlfriend from Sweden. THAT is also the subject of a separate post of its own coming soon!

As far as therapy, there wasn’t much until I was assigned a Social Worker at the end of June. I disliked her intensely. She was nothing like my old therapist Molly, whom I missed dearly. I did partake in some offerings in Group Therapies, where I learned more about DBT, Anger Management, and subjects like that. But as far as real recovery work, unfortunately that would be derailed during my battle to be able to see my girlfriend, who was planning on flying over here in September.

Rebecca

By the time I transitioned to Cherry Street in April of 2017, Rebecca was pretty much the focal point of my life. For those of you who have been following me, you will know that I met Rebecca through blogging back in December of 2016. In February of 2017, we started messaging pretty much everyday. She was stuck in a bad marriage in Sweden, I was a lonely Veteran who became enamored with her through her Wilderness Life blog. From February on, we were inseparable. Although the time difference was a bitch to deal with.

Rebecca

From April until the middle of June of 2017, we chatted every day on Google Hangouts. It wasn’t until I accidently hit the video button one rainy day in June, that we actually saw one another. Once that happened, we never missed one day of chatting until we ended up together in January of 2019. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Rebecca was my rock. Perhaps I even relied upon her too much; for I missed her terribly when we couldn’t communicate. Especially while I was at work on the VA Leeds campus; the wifi around those old buildings was terrible and made communicating with her during the day nearly impossible. It was probably around April or May that I realized that I had fallen hard for her.

In late June, we made plans for her to come visit me! We had so much fun making those plans and talking about all the things we wanted to do together during that 2 week or so visit. However, I had to get permission to be absent from the program during that time. What would follow would be a nearly two month ordeal over getting the time I needed to see her. It would nearly derail my recovery and get me kicked out of the Cherry Street CWT program. That is the subject of the next post: Mission Authorized Absences.

AA Today: Am I Receiving Strength?

aa_today_on_recoverywise

AA Today are daily readings from the bookTwenty-Four Hours A Day.”

“Twenty-Four Hours A Day is intended for members of Alcoholics Anonymous as a help in their program of living one day at a time.  It is designed for those who want to start each day with a few minutes of thought, meditation, and prayer.”

March 26, 2021

Strength comes also from working with other alcoholics. When you are trying to help a new prospect with the program, you are building up your own strength at the same time. You see the other person in the condition you might be in yourself and it makes your resolve to stay sober stronger than ever. Often, you help yourself more than the other person, but if you do succeed in helping the prospect to get sober, you are stronger from the experience of having helped another person. Am I receiving strength from working with others?

Meditation for the Day

Faith is the bridge between you and God. It is the bridge that God has ordained. If all were seen and known, there would be no merit in doing right. Therefore God has ordained that we do not see or know directly. But we can experience the power of His spirit through our faith. It is the bridge between us and Him, which we can take or not, as we will. There could be no morality without free will. We must make the choice ourselves. We must make the venture of belief.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may choose and decide to cross the bridge of faith. I pray that by crossing this bridge I may receive the spiritual power I need.

AA Today: Can We Get Well?

aa_today_on_recoverywise

AA Today are daily readings from the bookTwenty-Four Hours A Day.”

“Twenty-Four Hours A Day is intended for members of Alcoholics Anonymous as a help in their program of living one day at a time.  It is designed for those who want to start each day with a few minutes of thought, meditation, and prayer.”

March 14, 2021

Can I get well? If I mean “Can I ever drink normally again?” the answer is no. But if I mean, “Can I stay sober?” the answer is definitely yes. I can get well by turning my drink problem over to a Power greater than myself, that Divine Principle in the universe which we call God, and by asking that Power each morning to give me the strength to stay sober for the next twenty-four hours. I know from the experience of thousands of people that if I honestly want to get well, I can get well. Am I faithfully following the A.A. Program?

Meditation for the Day

Persevere in all that God’s guidance moves you to do. The persistent carrying out of what seems right and good will bring you to that place where you would be. If you look back over God’s guidance, you will wee that His leading has been very gradual and that only as you have carried out His wishes, as far as you can understand them, has God been able to give you more clear and definite leading. You are led by God’s touch on a quickened, responsive mind.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may persevere in doing what seems right. I pray that I may carry out all of God’s leading, as far as I can understand it.

AA Today: Bargain With Higher Power

aa_today_on_recoverywise

AA Today are daily readings from the bookTwenty-Four Hours A Day.”

“Twenty-Four Hours A Day is intended for members of Alcoholics Anonymous as a help in their program of living one day at a time.  It is designed for those who want to start each day with a few minutes of thought, meditation, and prayer.”

March 3, 2021

After we’ve made a surrender, the drink problem is out of our hands and in the hands of our Higher Power. The thing we have to do is to be sure that we never reach out and take the problem back into our own hands. Leave it in God’s hands. Whenever I’m tempted to take a drink, I must say to myself: “I can’t do that. I’ve made a bargain with God not to drink. I know God doesn’t want me to drink and so I won’t do it.” At the same time I say a little prayer to God for the strength needed to keep the bargain with Him. Am I going to keep my bargain with God?

Meditation for the Day

I will try to grow in this new life. I will think of spiritual things often and unconsciously I will grow. The nearer I get to the new life, the more I will see my unfitness. My sense of failure is a sure sign that I am growing in the new life. IT is only struggle that hurst. In sloth–physical, mental, or spiritual–there is no sense of failure or discomfort. With struggle and effort, I am conscious not of strength but of weakness until I am really living the new life. But in the struggle, I can always rely on the power of God to help. me.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may see signs of my growth in the new life. I pray that I may always keep trying to grow.

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