Robmoji: What I Want In A Woman
Now that I am free from Rob–mostly, he’s still all over my shit–I wanted to let all you lovely ladies know the top 10 things I am looking for in my next 9 month relationship–>Stay With Me Dummies!
After you read this, if you think you’ve got the mettle to walk with Adonis here, you know how to get in touch with me. Even emojis need love you know! And Rob, stay the hell out of this one! I’m lonely for cripes sake! Just because you’re a drunk and homeless doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for everybody else. Capiche AMIGO?
Top 10 Things I Want In A Woman (by Robmoji Avatar–what, did you think I had Rob’s last name? Dummy!)
*1. She has to have been broken. Not so I can fix her, dummies. So I know that her heart and soul are deep and true. SO I know that she is utterly lovely inside. She will have a tremendous respect for life that we can share. I will respect her so much more. We will share storms in common. She will also understand that I may have a few (minor) issues. And that is incredibly important because, well, I’m complicated.
*2. She has to be an animal in the sheets. Nothing mental here you wackos out there. Robmoji don’t play that. A woman who is confident in her own skin. A woman who exudes, no, perspires sexuality. A woman who takes charge and can be taken charge of. Ok, you get the point. Cripes, I could write a novel on this.
*3. She must have high self esteem. Nothing less attractive than a woman who constantly puts herself down, can’t spend an hour by herself, compares herself to other women. I want a woman who is sure of herself. She commands the room. She doesn’t walk, she glides. She believes in herself, always. She knows herself. She accepts herself for who she is.
*4. She must be handy with tools. I don’t do protractors, buzz saws, rip saws, whatever. I can use a screwdriver and hammer. A woman with a toolbelt–only–I think would be hot.
*5. She has to have a license. Thanks to Rob, I can’t drive until June. Then, the idiot has to put some machine in his–nonexistent–car and blow in it to start it. How pathetic is that? Besides, I don’t think licenses are legal for Avatars yet. Hopefully you can drive well enough not to kill me. NO texting and driving! EVER.
*6. She must be willing to use hair color. That’s right, hair color. I figure that way, when I start getting sick of the way you look, I’ll just ask you to change your hair color. That should buy at least, what, 3 months before another change is required? Plus I’ll feel like I’m with a new woman, with the same qualities! The honeymoon clock would be reset! Just think, we could move that 9 month benchmark back many times over. Fuck soul mates, give me Clairol. Sorry, you’ll have to buy your own, I’m saving for a new laptop.
*7. She must be a good friend. Friends talk about everything. Friends understand one another and don’t hold grudges. Friends are able to forgive without resentments building. Friends are able to be cool with each other without pressures of unrealistic relationship expectations. Friends can talk openly and still have sex together–well, some can.
*8. She must be smart. It would be insanely lucky if she were a writer. NO, I’m not just saying that because I’m on a blog dummy. Sitting side by side at different desks, writing by candlelight, with incense burning, oh my that would be ethereal. Not book smart necessarily, but that would be nice. Life smart, street smart, savvy in the ways of the world. Because, sometimes I haven’t been, so it would be nice to have someone who can pick me up during the times I fall. Yes, cripes, I’ll do the same. You people are so predictable.
*9. She must take care of herself. Listen, I’m not looking for a supermodel–though your application will be accepted!–I just want someone who doesn’t all of a sudden, 5 months into our relationship, is stuffing bon bons under her pillow and cheezits in her bra. I want someone who takes pride in her appearance and wants to look good for ME all the time! Oh, I HATE excessive makeup, so if you are trying out to be a mannequin, no need to apply.
*10. She has to be an intelligent communicator. What I mean is that she can speak her mind. She is able to discuss things and then move on in life, not build a file on all my wrongdoings–cause there will be a few! She needs to be smart enough to know when NOT to communicate–like if I’m having a mood and need time alone. She needs to be able to ask the right questions to get beyond my issues.
That’s all. I HIGHLY doubt any of you qualify. However, feel free to refer your mother, sister, aunt, co-worker, friend to me for further consideration. Now go away.
He sure knows what he wants! Such, specifics LOL
What do you mean he? I’m he! Cripes
Ooops, sorry Robmoji…I won’t make that mistake again
Dummy
LOL
LOL at # 6 hahaha
Haha. Good luck! I think it would be funny if someone write a post like this and they only had one requirement that the person be breathing
omg, that’s way too cute. Haha!
😜
Reblogged this on A Journey Through A Woman's Heart.
ohh Robmoji I love you. muaaahh
Ya baby, give me that sugar
Welp, I quit the dye and won’t be going back. Also I’m terrible with tools – though I do know the difference between a Phillips and a slot head. Probably doesn’t count for much though, eh? 🙂
I’ll make an exception. Both Rob and I are infatuated with you!
Y’all are the sweetest 😉
Hey I would qualify…but I cannot drive. How about a tricycle?
No!
Robmoji breaks hearts…I bet he enjoys it!!! 😛
Not intentionally sugar
Great list, lol.
Thanks very much. Is that a graveyard of you?
What does that mean?
Omg I never read it damn autocorrect. Gravatar haha
Ha ha. Besides the fact that I dress/keep myself up for myself and I would never change the auburn color of my hair, yeah I suppose so.
Oh, hey now, we’ve got a first one. Don’t know what the hell Rob sees in you. Cripes!
Which Rob? Which one of you wrote this?
Uhm, are you blind? My pictures and name are all over the post, sheesh
Well since you are rude I’m guessing you’re Robmoji. 😛
That’s right. Not rude, just don’t like when people don’t give me my fair due. I wrote it, not Rob. He’s all caught up doing recovery stuff
Well it’s a good list but kindness is tops on my list. 😉
Lovely
Did I answer this question wrong? Were you asking if this gravatar I use is of me? If so, then yes. It’s me.
Duh, yes
I like Rob better. Tell him I’m only talking to him from now on.
Oh geez, I’m just kidding.
I know. But I still like Rob better. (You must learn that I’m not easily offended. Most everything I will say to you will be playful. Don’t worry about me.)
Whatever you say lady.
Exactly
How about to choose only 1 thing from the list? Hahahaha
Ah, no. Dummy
I don’t have a tool belt but I do split my own firewood and stack it. And I mow the lawn and shovel snow.
Perhaps, both… 😒
At least you’re honest👍
Well Yay! That counts for something. I assume I’m not invited to this wedding either?
Oh that’s funny! Well I hope you’ll be very happy for the next 9 months or hair color change, whichever comes first!
Hair color
And she’s English? Hmmm interesting!
No! She was just being funny
Tricky
Nope
So back to the drawing board!
Yes, I already responded further. Didn’t think it through but now! Zounds!
This was so witty and ideal ! 😀
Tell me about it. Pipe dream and no one is applying. I’m just gonna go find me another Avatar. You Him and bore me
Hmmm…. this reminds me of our conversation the other day. Clever! 😉
Exactly, smart girl
😉
Haha, I like this list 🙂 I wonder how different this list would be from Robs…. Nr 6 is hilarious.
One never knows…
It’s a good list anyway.
Thank you very much. Obviously Rob is the dipshit who changed my humor to the serious ones. Mine are, of course, the funny ones. But since I’m stuck with him, I suppose I’ll have to accept the ones that want to make me vomit
Unless one asks
Jaha …. im asking 😊
All of them but the tool one and clairol one are Robs😠
Jaha. So Robmoji is stealing Robs list. The sneaky little bastard 😊
No, Rob amended my list without my knowing. That’s ok, I’ll get back at him
Somehow I trust Rob more than you, Robmoji!
I may be rough around the edhes, but I’m a man of high integrity I’ll have you know 😡😬
Haha you make me laugh Robmoji
Humor is God’s way of saying everything will be ok
I certainly hope so
Edges
Well, I don’t have a tool belt but I do have a knife belt. And my own tool shed which no man is allowed to enter
Well now
It’s secret
You’re up mighty early aren’t you? What is it 5?
No silly. I’m 6 hours ahead of you ☺. It’s 4pm
Duh!
You could say that I am from the future 😆
Haha! That’s funny. Did you put your application in? As long as you are willing to use hair color, I think you’d be an excellent candidate
Haha! That’s funny. Did you put your application in? As long as you are willing to use hair color, I think you’d be an excellent candidat
In my humble opinion I am a 10 out of 10. I have my natural hair color (but maybe you read about that in my post) so I am like a blank canvas – from the future 😁
You can be my girl for the next 9 months. I’ll tell Rob. All you other ladies, sorry.
But wait a minute, I have my own list. Who says Robmoji is good enough for me?
Puhleeeese. Look at me! You’ve read my stuff. I’m a treasure for anyone. Whatever, give me your list. Cripes!
Well, would you be a 10 out of 10 on your list Robmoji? ? Nope. And it’s a good list!
Grrr, no one should be a mirror for another. I have talents and skills, my girl would have some unique skills. We would compliment each other. I’m not looking for me dummy!
Haha. Ok then.
And i even have 2 driving licenses – one for snowmobiling. So i must be an 11 out of 10.
Not on this list can’t go past my top TEN. I think I’m going to find me an avatar like me. You humans are a pain in the ass. You’re gonna regret it soon enough, you’ll see
Good luck finding an avatar like you Robmoji
Well that is excellent. That really proves that there really is someone out there for everyone. I’ll just concentrate on Rob then.
Smartest thing you’ve said all day. Just proof Avatars and humans is a bad idea. Pretty soon the world is going to be full of humatars. Ugh!
Not the smartest thing but close. I save the smartest for my own blog.
No, she’s gonna change her hair color frequently
You do know that the person does not change with the hair color…. Right? Like – green hair does not make one a tree? Pink hair does not make one sweet?
Omg you are tiresome. Read the post! It’s like having a different girl with the same qualities. Cripes! I said that in there
Your new wife is your sister? ? ? My my, you are kinky! And I scrammed forever ago.
No. Changed storylines. Will make it easier for me to incorporate into my blog. Through her I will tell our childhood and more
Ok then. That certainly sounds better than ‘my wife is also my sister’. I would like to know more about your childhood
Yes, it think third person would be easier for Rob. Since I am his broken self–cripes I can’t believe I just said that–she can tell our story best. There’s always been us two. Bipolar, bpd, traumatized, anxiety me, and Rob the “normal one who bailed us out time and time again. It’s time to tell the story
So Rob is the normal one. Hey, At least you always have someone to talk to, since there are 2 of you 😆
Yes indeed
I’m gonna stretch it out. Don’t you pay attention?
Gotta help Rob with work, scram