Tentatively titled Principles of Purpose: A Guide To Living Wisely, is an ongoing draft of a concept I might one day publish a book on. It’s essentially 30 Principles that I think are essential to living life wisely. Some are principles that I wished I had learned much earlier in life. Many are principles that I only learned in recovery in 2016-2017. Still other principles were ones I had applied off and on during my 56 years.
|Preface||Introduction||Trusting Your Gut||Use Good Judgement|
|Listen||Regulate Emotions||Set Boundaries||Be Mindful|
|Practice Moderation||Manage Expectations||Resolve Conflict||Plan Ahead|
|Have Patience||Be Yourself||Practice Acceptance||Be Grateful|
“Instead of suppressing conflicts, specific channels could be created to make this conflict explicit, and specific methos could be set up by which the conflict is resolved.”Albert Low
Conflict Is Inevitable
Conflict in life is inevitable. Struggles with co-workers. Strife in a relationship. Bickering amongst siblings and other family members. Unresolved conflict can lead to a myriad of life issues: alcohol/substance abuse, physical conditions, and mental health problems as well.
Conflict can be anything from a simple disagreement or misunderstanding. Or, conflict can result in a major argument on an important subject such as finances. Whatever the conflict, leaving it unresolved can open the doorway to harboring negative feelings, resentments, escalating discord, etc.
Types and Causes of Conflict
In literature-as in life-there are 4 major conflicts:
|Man vs. Nature||Man vs. Man||Man vs. Self||Man vs. Society|
|facing a conflict with external forces beyond your control||facing a conflict between another human being||facing a conflict within yourself||facing a conflict with the norms of society|
Although these are postulated in literature, they are true in actual life as well. Working through conflict is a common theme in all great works of literature and, unless properly resolved, the conflict causes great harm to the main character(s) experiencing the conflict.
There are also 5 major areas of conflict we can experience at one time or another:
|Relationship Conflict||Data Conflict||Interest Conflict||Structural Conflict||Value Conflict|
+repetitive negative behavior
|+lack of information|
+differing views on data relevance
|+perceived or actual conflict over interest|
+unequal control of resources
|+different ways of life, ideology, world view, etc.|
+different criteria for evaluating ideas
(Adapted from Christopher Moore, The Mediation Process, Third Ed. San Francisco (Jossey-Bass,2003)
There are a few steps we can take in order to resolve a conflict. Resolving conflict requires skills such as problem solving, being honest, speaking the truth, listening, forgiveness, understanding, and empathy to name a few.
- Identify the problem
- Identify feelings associated with conflict
- Identify the impact of the problem
- Decide whether to resolve conflict
- Work for resolution of conflict
There is also a cool acronym for conflict resolution called R.E.S.O.L.V.E.
R-Reach Out–Come together with the person you are having a conflict with.
E-Engage In Conversation–Remain calm and remember to talk one at a time.
S-Seek to Solve the Problem–Agree to come up with sensible solutions you both can accept.
O-Open Up–Calmly communicate your side of the story to explain how you feel.
L-Listen Intently–listen to the other person so that you understand their point of view.
V-Voice Solutions–Brainstorm solutions to resolve your conflict together.
E-End on a Good Note–Agree to the solutions; give a compliment and shake hands.