Her back never faces the door
“I’ll only need you on certain days”
“I’ll have to write them down
my memory doesn’t work so well
especially when I am caught up”
(a lovely stare)
“Who is that in the mirror?
Where did she come from
why the fuck is she here?
I don’t need this shit right now
She shouldn’t be here!”
“Where did you go? Does the rain
bleed sideways always? Or
does it come in sporadic torrents
like a permanent stain?”
She ignores that and says
“I don’t sleep so well
insomnia from hell, really.
She gets her claws into me
so that I trance the rage.
Over and over and over and
almost comical. I can’t wait
until the coffee is so strong that
it sends her into a
tailspin for once. Just once…”
Bemused I say
“But it’s more than just caffeine
you need on most days right?
I see you in paintings everyday
you are always so resigned in your
poses. You can either look like
coming around the corner at you
or you can look like
you have beheld the Gods.”
“Easy for you to say,”
“I think I’ll rest now. I can’t
remember all these details.
My memory can play tricks on me
sometimes I feel like I’m an actress
in my very own horror flick.
I watch the scenes go by indifferently
perhaps if I got the cobwebs out
I’d be able to see things more clearly
find the pause button, you know?
I never did dye my hair…”
she says wistfully
(her repose sexy)
“I love your hair just the way it is”
then I say
“Although, I must say, blue would
really bring out your intense eyes
I wonder, will she be home later?
will you tell her I will be
betwixt and between? Within and
without always just a touch away
until she works through her shit?
I will be around permanently.”
“Sure. She probably thinks the
world is ending as we speak.
she’s good at catastrophizing
the shadows work best,
she plays those same tapes,
over and over and over….
well, you get the idea
she can be engaged like that
so, I’m not sure if she is or isn’t.”
then she says
“She’s hyper vigilant, that one
reminds me of me once I detach,
once I fixate on my salvation,
you know I simply spend a
fuckload of time just trying to
get back to square one whatever
square one is is.”
“Well square-fucking-one certainly
doesn’t fit your puzzle, does it?”
I lean in
“I mean, all the squares have
they are so different they’re hard
Are they not? There’s so
many of them that
even tunnel vision
even hyper vigilance
can’t always help you focus on
shapes that are always shifting though,
I must say you adapt quite well.”
“Shit, dude, I have to give you credit.
at least for your quirky imagination.
Christ is it time already?
I gotta get back to her
she could be in a state.
in front of that fucking mirror
it’s not the best place on most days.
It clouds her judgment.
It needs replacing,
that, it’s cracked and warping.”
“Thanks for stopping in. I’ll
I have your brand next time you
come and go
I found a place that stocks it
regularly, the stuff of legends
will you do me a huge favor?”
I put my hands on her small frame.
Looking at her intently,
“Just remember come and go
as you please she can too, especially
use my place whenever you need it
I know you’ll be sure to keep things
nice and tidy. You happen to be
quite masterful at that. And
I will continue to keep an eye out
you know, for both of you.”
She smiles wryly
glances a kiss
off my flushed cheek
turns and says
almost as an afterthought
“Aye, I know. It makes all the
difference in the world
I know it does to me anyway.
I’m fairly sure for her as well.
She’s always taking stock, sorting
inventory, cleaning the messes up.
I’m pretty sure she knows though.
But you know how she is.”
As the door closes behind her
“Not really. But I am learning,
I am learning.”