My Sunny Side: 7 Months Recovery
I’ve decided to try a new feature in my blog: Sunny Side Up (I actually like over medium eggs lol) me trying to be my funny, sarcastic, positive, uplifting, grateful, off the wall self! I am going to show my positive side. My life is not all doom and gloom, And WovenEclipse helped me see that. So, thank you Rebecca!
Today I celebrate 7 months of sobriety! For those of you who don’t know me, I am currently in a 6 week-going on 8th week-VA Treatment Facility for Alcoholism. I will be transitioning (by my own choice, as this program has been) to a 3 month Residential Work/Treatment Program this Thursday in Brockton, Ma.
I have to take this course of action because I am still homeless, and I need to somehow manage to save what little they will be paying as a stipend for my transition back into the “real” world in mid-March.
I haven’t had more than 3 months sobriety since 1982, when I was a senior is High School. Many of the Vets that I share this residence with have been in Detox and Treatment countless times. This is my first treatment. I can’t imagine attempting sobriety and relapsing over and over again.
I was a binge drinker. I was never a nightly alcoholic until I met my EX FROM HELL. Then, for the last 2.5 years, I spiraled into a vicious cycle of abuse–yes, men can be abused–alcoholism and depression. I lost my management position. I attempted my first real suicide. I took over 100 different psych and sleep meds, but I did not die. I ended up in jail for falsified claim at the hands of my EX.
I ended up in jail on March 12. I came to this program 5 months later. Today I am sober! Today I count my blessings almost every hour. Today I am free from alcohol and all psych meds. Change is an inside job, and boy have I been sweating at it. For the first time in well over 35 years I feel like I am home.
I feel that I am back to center. I don’t fear relapse. I don’t introduce myself “Hi, I’m Rob, I’m an alcoholic.” No, I’m not an alcoholic, not anymore. I am in recovery. I have grown a tremendous amount in these pas 7 months.
I’ve let go of shame, guilt, anger. I have forgiven myself and learned to love myself again. I have a ways to go, but I can tell you this: I won’t be picking up again. Many recovering alcoholics have probably uttered those words. I’m not just saying it, I’m doing it. I have a plan for my life and alcohol is not part of it.
I am very lucky. I don’t crave alcohol, never have. I don’t muse over, I don’t think about it. The troubles I have had these past 7 months don’t trigger me to ideate on drinking. I am crystal clear on the solution: I CAN’T PICK UP. It’s really that simple for me. I feel for all my peers who seem to be tortured with cravings, visions, dreams of alcohol. I know that Gods have removed my malady. I have a new purpose in life. I am headed in a new direction.
I don’t need alcohol to blind me from my realities. I’m constantly writing here, in constantly being stark raving honest in my poetry and pieces, I have come to know an inner solitude I never knew. I am far from a well functioning enlightened human being, but I am well on my way.
I want to thank all of you, dear readers, for being there for me. For reading my words of angst, love, joy, sorrow. For penning kind words and for donating money to my campaign against my homelessness. Loneliness and boredom, if I had to identify two possible major triggers–though they are not really–have always been enemies of mine. You, dear friends, have kept me from both and have been a huge part of my recovery journey.
It is with humble gratitude I begin my walk towards an 8th month of recovery, free from the tyranny of alcoholism. I look forward to this journey with you. I pray for those yet to take that first step. I am here for any and all of you who need comfort and solace as well. The treatment center has been my home of record, but this community on wordpress is my home.
Hang in there. You can do it!!
Well, all the best to you. I’m a shrink (trained at a VA actually) with a few 24 hours in and all I can say is you are on a sacred journey. I really enjoy your writing (I’m juuuust getting started with this stuff) but you clearly have some really great stuff to say and your experience, as the Big Book tells us, is so important! It tells us that in God’s hands, our dark past is our greatest possession and the key to happiness in others. Who knew? God speed and keeping walking that road to Happy Destiny, whatever it leads!!
Thank you very much, best wishes to you!
Hi Rob, found your post from the blog from Heartafire . Love and strength on your path Rob and keep the sunny side up.
Thanks so very much its much appreciated
“No, I’m not an alcoholic, not anymore. I am in recovery.”
No, Rob , we are alcoholics forever. I am delighted for you in your progress. I have come across several “my journey in recovery” blogs lately. I have presented the following advice to each: One should avoid posting recovery matters and the intimacies of one’s life on a blog or facebook. It is a personal matter and is to be shared at meetings, esp home group, your sponsor, your clergyman, your therapist and your Higher Power and in daily diary if you so choose to write. You have expressed joy in growing sobriety and it may be OK to share that from time to time publicly and briefly. They speak of anonymity for a reason, avoiding press, film and other media.Such protects the program, participants and ourselves. The “they” to which I refer is a 12 Step program for recovery from alcoholism. Notice I do not reveal the name of the program as it is anonymous but you and others know what group of which I am speaking. If it helps you to write and share I would suggest you do this in personal emails with people in recovery and naturally in conversation with members of the particular program . Meetings, Rob. Meetings. I will go to my usual meeting at 10 AM today. I take a moment to comment to you as there is a danger zone into which you do not want to enter with public stuff and I care about people in recovery. I got clean and sober when I was 52. I am 67 now. Thanks for visiting my blog.
I certainly appreciate the time you took. But our roads diverge my friend. I will continue to write here everything, as it is the very essence of my matter. Congratulations on your sobriety
Congratulations, Rob, what you’ve accomplished is a great achievement. Keep it up, one day at a time.
Thank you very much!
I wish you all the strength you need to stay on the path you have chosen.
There are many people who cannot do what you are doing.
Thanks so very much! It’s comments like yours that give me strength
This is beautiful. I feel like standing up and cheering. Your story is already so inspiring, and it only continues to get more inspiring. I think this is only the beginning of a really great new life for you. Thanks for being so open.
Thank you so much Hazel! I am in a good place, for the most part. Even though I am destitute, homeless, jobless lol. I’ve got ME back, that’s all I need right now.
Good for you. Keep with it.
Thanks
I discover your article by the blog of Hearafire and I liked what I have just read. Speaking freely is, in my opinion, a great step towards healing. I’m just saying bravo and never give up. 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.
Congratulations! Sending prayers your way. ❤️
Thank you so much!
Reblogged this on House of Heart and commented:
Hat’s off Rob. Here’s to the Sunny Side.
Rob, your honesty and openness in sharing your life with us is beautiful. I feel blessed to know you, and I know many others would feel the same way. You are an inspiration to others, not just those in a similar situation but also to people like me.
With that said, I wish you the best in the transitions that are to come in the following weeks and months. 🙂 Hugs, phoebe
So nice of you to share that with me and our readers. Thank you for that, made my morning😃
Hi Rob, I am sending my most positive thoughts your way. I would like to reblog this on House of Heart with your permission. Let me know. Have a great day. 🌞
Absolutely thank you very much for your presence and always kind words
Thank you Rob. 🌞
No thank you!
It is my pleasure.
I am so happy for you.
Thank you Yasmine I know you are
Congratulations brother. One day at a time
Thank you!