My Ruminations: Goodbye WordPress

my_ruminations_recoverywise

Well dear readers, it’s time for me to once again simplify my life.  I will not be posting anything on my blog until further notice.  I’m exhausted from the reading and writing.  I have lost some of my purpose.  The purpose that led me to this place.  I am exhausted and I am disillusioned.

Before I lose my way completely, I have to step back.  I am going to work ardently on my Inexhaustible Life of Chaos, my life story.  I will be posting only sections of this work as I finish each section.  I hope that you will still be around for this.  I have not penned one single word yet, and I don’t know when that will be.

I will probably lose some of what is here.  I guess some of us–if not all to some degree–are used to internet “likes.”  Likes on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and WordPress.  Have we gone outside ourselves for the love we all so desperately need?  Have we become a culture of instant “feel good?”  Have we come to the idea that we are okay based upon how many “likes” we amass?

I know perhaps I have.  Perhaps you have not.  If you haven’t, congratulations on your incredible intestinal fortitude.  But this writer has cared too much about how many readers have read his work.  This writer wants to change the world, save everyone.  I can’t do that.  I am only on Instagram and WordPress.  I feel let down when something I have created doesn’t receive the audience I thought it would.  For me, that is not how I intend to live my life.

I have tried to do too much, I think, with my blog.  My expectations–symptomatic of my Ego–have been unrealistic and disappointing.  I’m not saying I have a big Ego.  I am saying this stems from Ego (and ID as well).  I have learned that I am not that important.  I can thank my Borderline Personality Disorder for trying to be more important than I am.

I am not saying I am not of value.  But I have been humbled by this experience.  I realize that, once again, I have fallen in the trap of looking without for what I can find within.  My validation is not to be found in a world of “likes.”  It is to be found in my personal introspections and meditations.

That being said, I welcome you to peruse my other 900+ posts.  However, I am not under any delusion about that:  most folks read through the reader.  And, since I will not be posting what I have always called “fresh cuts,” my readership will plummet.  Oh well, I no longer care about that–as I shouldn’t.  At first my Ego was disheartened at this, which only further cemented the fact that I need to press pause on this world.

I know that my Ego has gotten in the way.  It is not easy to confess that I have fallen prey to this world of illusion.  I need to work on controlling my ego and find a balance for myself.  I want to write my story because I still see the value of writing for my recovery.  But I have, as I do with everything, taken this blog to the extreme.

Therefore, thank you all for your loving support.  I have met some INCREDIBLE people here.  I have met some of the loveliest souls I have ever met, and I will see you all again.  I can’t tell you how very grateful I am for the kindness, the loving comments, the attention those of you who have truly been committed to me and my work.  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

I do wish you all the joy and happiness that life can bring if you just give it a chance.  Give yourself the compassion you deserve.  Travel the road to yourself.  And, when I finish the first in my series of my Inexhaustible Life of Chaos, it will posted here I will be posting the 2nd winner of my Robust Ruminator Award soon as well.

And, as always, you may reach me at my email address should you ever just need a kind soul to hear you.  keatsj1964@gmail.com

May your Higher Power bless you all with infinite serenity.

119 comments

  • I have not been reading much lately as I was time constrained but your blog is definitely one of the blogs that I thought had very interesting and humane posts. I think it is good to take a step back and think when ego is kicking in too much but I also think that this world is not about killing ego, it is just about not letting it rule. I hope you remain sober and such a complex and wonderful human being as you seem to be. Best wishes for your writing.

  • Good luck, and much success with your ventures Rob. I hope to see you back again, when you are ready.

  • Take good care😁

  • See you soon πŸ™‚

  • Come back when you R ready Rob. I dunno U. and this is my first time reading your work… and it was this post.
    I’ve done similar vacations. Internet blogging or the “liking” is as addictive as booze.
    But there R real people here too.
    And I heard U. I’m pretty good at Listening.
    So… what matters is U work. U practice. You balance. U find U. And when U R ready to share, U won’t be able to help it… not ‘cuz of addiction but because or the purest need to express urself as a human.
    BE YOU.
    This ain’t no pep talk btw. You’re gonna be ok.
    Tabs

  • Bummer!! I was sick with a cold and came back to this! I truly understand and pray the best for you. You have to do what’s best for you and if you need to step back do so, we’ll be waiting for your return!

  • The outpouring of those that see you for you, that appreciate you for you is very much real as I read the above comments…do not let the lack of mass response diminish the intimacy of a few. Take your rest, it is well deserved. breathe in the sweet air of your sobriety, embraced the child within that needs love and validation, you have done so well realizing the need for balance…do not be so much in your mind you forget your heart, do not be so much in your heart you forget your mind… all these thing you know but I say them as a friend, a loving reminder you have support in you corner…rest, breathe, be soft to the hard parts of you. And you can clear out chaos with more chaos… as you said simplify, declutter, let go of the old it no longer serves not supports your new life… there is always sunshine behind the clouds! Xoxoxo

  • I completely understand. I have felt the same way and still do at times. Most times when I write I do it as if I’m talking to myself. Sometimes this makes my posts hard to read and too depressing for people but if I don’t get the thoughts out of my head they will continue churning so I had to stop caring who liked what and who didn’t. It’s for me. If it helps anyone else along the way then I’m happy but I can’t make it my single focus. Good luck!

  • My dear friend,

    I fully understand you, as one can really be trapped in this magnet: getting likes and responses. For your courage to change your life for a more realistic and may be closer life to “real” life (living in the world and in the moment instead of spending too much time at the pc), I can only pay respect to you. Take your time, dear friend and try to find and dig out the treasure which can only be found in your own heart. Prepare for this journey to find yourself and try to discover who you are: Try to solve the mystery of life and death, the purpose and essence of our life. Have my brotherly hug and good wishes on your new road – and not necessary to answer my comment. Now concentrate on your new part of life.
    In respect and honour
    Yours friend Didi

    • Your words mean more than many of the comments I’ve ever received thanks so very much!

      • A good journey, dear Rob πŸ™‚

        Fill this approaching vaccum with something that gives sense to your life that will fill your heart with happiness..

        We need not to know each other personally, but our hearts – are in connection
        with the universal language – and there we are one..

        From heart to heart
        God bless you, my friend.
        Didi

  • Take care and hopefully see you back here later πŸ™‚

  • Everyone seems to reach a point when the realization that the quantity of ‘likes’ does not define us as writers. Good for you. I cant wait to hear about your book and read samples. I know you have had quite the journey and it will make a fantastic read that will inspire, educate and entertain.
    While I like being “liked” I like writing more and put value in what I have to say. Stay in touch and do what makes you happy. πŸ™‚

  • Rob,

    I understand exactly where you’re coming from. But I’d like you to remember, even as you go on hiatus and leave us here to suffer, that you are as important as you think you are. It’s not the BPD. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t have discovered so many other amazing bloggers. The light you bring to our lives is invaluable. You are important. Bit I understand that everyone needs a break..some time to think and get things sorted. So be well and come back to us when you’re ready. We’ll be missing you in the mean time. Be well, friend. Namaste.

  • Hey man come on, don’t do this, I’m here because of you. You inspired me to start a blog and write down my deepest thoughts. This is so not fair.

  • Take it easy Rob, get yourself centered and find what you need to find with your life. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you a bit and know you still have a lot to give. Rest, relax and make yourself whole. Take care Soldier.

  • I understand completely, as I have had to do this too at certain times. You will be missed! Come back soon! πŸ˜‰

  • This is a shot in the dark. I know Rob has a lot of followers. I am trying to find out how to contact WordPress about a friend whose last post was very cryptic. She is depressed and said she couldn’t take it anymore. I want to contact WordPress to see if they can track her down and call her, but I can’t figure out how.

  • I meant to type good luck.☺

  • Gooduck with your book Rob.

  • It takes courage to be true to yourself. So congratulations for that. Life is all about balance. Good luck in your search for your balance.

  • Man, Rob! I’m going to miss you. I really liked your posts and valued your authentic honesty. As always, your honesty has shown through this post as well. You’re so right – people often live for “likes” from others (both concrete and abstract). I would love to get to a place where I don’t crave that like my life depends on it, and I’m happy for you that you seem to be getting there. Good luck with your new writing project, and I’ll be excited to read it.

    • Thanks so much, I’ve always appreciated your work. You are the funniest blogger I’ve read

      • Thanks, Rob. That means a lot. I’ve been feeling like an especially sucky writer lately, so it feels great to hear you say that. Thank you. πŸ™‚

      • No doubt about it. You never once failed to put a smile on my face. I still remember your story about the guy your husband got all excited about and you were like who?

  • Rob,
    I appreciate your honest words. Go for after your next work Inexhaustible Life of Chaos. You are a great writer and do reach people. We can’t focus on everything at once. We would go mad. It sounds like you are being pulled for your new piece of work. Go for it! Give it your all. You deserve that. I look forward to pieces of your work.

  • Rob, I was always concerned you might burn out…but I’m glad you’re at a place where you aren’t so concerned about the likes, this has become so much more than that! I will miss you, your encouragement has meant a great deal to me. And your future is definitely in my prayers. (Btw, how did the fundraiser go?)
    Plus, you are a kick ass poet, I loved those posts most of all πŸ™‚
    I know you wanted to save the world, πŸ™‚ but don’t ever underestimate the ripple effect! The best things really do take time imho. And you know how it goes, in the attempts to save, we often get saved.
    Take care ❀

  • I am saddened but understand your reasoning. I will still be here to read when you decide it’s time to post again. I do hope you decide to return sooner than expected… but also agree that acceptance / worth needs to be found from within, and if you feel you’re being distracted from yourself, then you need to do this. Much love always <3

  • WordPress takes a lot of time. If you want to write and get it done – have to post maybe once a week. I saw many ppl does. U can even decide “days”, so followers know when u r posting. You shouldn’t care about likes much it’s always goes up & down :)) u have to enjoy what u does – otherwise meaningless. Someone said- dont sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you can give and nobody will care for you. Ouch? Ouch! :)) especially true for inet haha πŸ˜‚ and hey, I hope I can survive here as long as u does haha

  • I will miss your words, Rob, but I think you’re making a wise decision for yourself. I hope to see you again. Wishing you peace. ❀

  • I think perhaps I understand how you feel. I, too, have decided to back off and I have deleted my content. I need to mend. My EP’s (emotional parts – ego states) are hurting. I hope you will feel better soon. I feel that you ARE influential and well loved by your readers.

    Peace.

  • Ok, so I hit like on this one, sorry πŸ™ But, I just found your blog this past weekend and was hooked immediately. So, to say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I kept wondering how in the world you were able to post six + times a day on your blog but I get it. I truly do. I get a lot of likes and sometimes no comments but I write for ME not for everyone else when I do write. Wishing you much peace, love and laughter my friend. I’ll hopefully send you an e-mail soon. Take care and big hugs from a fan.

    • That’s so nice. And I’m not leaving permanently. If you get bored I have over 900 posts in 4 months lol. This the burn out

  • I understand. When I started, I just wished to express myself writing. Get it down. I had no idea at that time about an audience. It meant nothing. I just keep remembering that I keep getting it in the queue. If people like it isn’t me. If they don’t I am not here to please anyone but myself and doing my thing. Good Luck Rob, I look forward to more and if it crosses my mind I’ll go back to the beginning of your stuff and get a good laugh I’m sure.

  • Oh Rob, all the best. You will be missed. πŸ€—

  • Rob- I hope the blogging sabbatical brings you some peace and creativity. Rest easy, my friend.

  • We all have different reasons for blogging, and its good to occasionally step back and make sure we’re staying true to that purpose. Your personal journal and your connections to your community are important. And that is independent of likes, but you know that. I wish you success on penning your life story and will likely drop you an e-mail from time to time to stay in touch. Best of luck, Rob.

  • You’re number one, Rob. So important to be sure your glass is full! I’ll miss you and your words here. You’ve been a huge support and inspiration for me, and I want to thank you for that. Sending you all the love and light in the world as you continue on this road to yourself. I’m looking forward to seeing what the future holds for you. πŸ™‚

  • I understand your decision. Please take care, and post those sections from your life story β™₯

  • Go well and I hope peace reigns over you. You are an excellent poet and you have inspired me to be better. I wish all all the best in your future endeavors! πŸ™‚

  • Best wishes Rob!

  • Rob I will miss your voice but self-care is important. I am woefully behind in my reading but always save your poems to savor when I have a few minutes to catch up. I have been in that place where I felt like I was measuring my self-worth is social media likes and it is not a good place to be. You know where to find me!

    BTW, I DO think you are influential and impactful to the recovery community and the poetry community. You also have a gift for bringing people together here. Never underestimate that.

    • Thanks much it means a lot. I’ll be back with my story, some poetry here and there and certainly Robmoji. He’s pissed

  • I am sorry to see you go!—your frequent posts are motivating for writers who want to write more!

    But I understand 100% where you are coming from. I just recently stopped a long hiatus and now I’m realizing that “likes” or lack thereof do not have to hinder me from pursuing my dreams. I also let fear of writing my heart keep me from progressing, but fortunately I feel past the shame and societal norms. We can’t all be famous…but we all can create the life we want to live.

    May you create the reality that speaks to your soul!

  • It is sad to hear of your leaving, but you have to do what you have to do. I wish you all the best 😊😊

  • Stepping back is something I do often. I had a journal under LiveJournal for years until I switched to WordPress. During my years at LJ, readers came and go. I have to step back to ask myself, “Who are you doing this for?” The answer was “for myself”. It’s nice that people enjoy my posts, don’t get me wrong. But like you, then it becomes “I need to add this and that, this and that. I get consumed. I vowed to myself it wouldn’t happen here, so I do what I can, when I can. I’ve always enjoyed your various posts, wondering how you have the time for anything else. You’re posts will be missed but I look forward to any new posts in the future. Take a break, we all need one now and then.

    • You nailed it. Exactly how I feel especially adding this and that and the other thing. There’s a lot of down time in treatment lol. That’s another thing I forgot about. I won’t have as much time. I’m going to read get back to meditating walk. Things I’ve put on the shelf. I will have my story coming along though. And only my story. Maybe more Robmoji lists from time to time. Thanks for your comment

  • Good luck with your writing, and the rest of your journey x

  • I know this isn’t goodbye. But you have inspired people Rob, do not take that away from yourself. I understand that you need to do this. I am thankful I have been able to get to know you through this blog. I will miss your posts, I will miss Robmoji. But you exactly where I am.

  • And I will revisit your blog to read much of your old posts. Stay in touch with WordPress. if you post sections of your book for feedback, and take them down, it may motivate you as it motivates me….Peace out.

    • Oh I’m going to post. It’s not going to be a book I don’t think my experiences are any more exceptional than another’s. Though I have thought about publishing my poetry. All the best

      • The secret to great writing (publishable writing, IMO,) is to make the mundane seem exotic, suspenseful and ripe with meaning. I think our experiences are exceptional…because I’m not in your shoes. My experiences however? Boring. Get it? I believe you have a book in you. Otherwise, what’s all this blogging about anyway?

      • YOUR experiences…not OUR experiences! Freudian slip? I dunno.

      • Yes you make excellent points. I believe you are correct. Perhaps it is in their fighting to the surface. Thank you!

  • The answer is yes, yes, and yes. We HAVE all become dependent upon Likes, etc. But welcome to my world. Good luck on your book. I think you have talent and I feel you will get published. Particularly with a great title like that. Here’s a section of my book, and now you know why I take my posts down after about 3 days: I do not want to grow dependent upon likes and comments!!
    https://randomwalkthroughintelligentuniverse.wordpress.com/2017/02/28/transubstantiation-part-of-the-plan/

  • Wishing you peace and happiness in your new endeavour. God bless, Rob.

  • Rob, you have stood out for me. And you know that you’re good, I hope. That’s why it’s good to plan for your book. I understand the disillusion in the virtual world. And maybe it is indeed a good move to focus more on steps in the physical world at the cost of some electronic publications. Why not walking (with whatever pace) with one leg in the physical and the other in the virtual world, so you’re staying in the game in both realities without being too much dependent on either? Anyway, take care, take notes, and share as you like. I’m looking forward meeting you again. All the best!

    • So kind of you to say Mathias. I also don’t want to replace one addiction for another. Once I find balance everything will play out as it should!

  • I hear you. It is a difficult step taking a lot of discipline, but an very important one. Your blog is BECAUSE of YOU, not the other way round. So go find yourself and your peace and your stillness. (I am actually quite glad you are doing it. Something compels me to mention ‘A New Earth’ audiobook- it always centers me somehow).
    My best to you Rob…

  • And I am not “liking” this post!

  • I will miss you very much. Take a break. Stay in touch.

  • recognizing you need to step back is halfway to recovering yourself, farewell!

  • I certainly understand, though you will be missed. Nevertheless, you must must must do what is best for you!

  • I have only been here a short while but have been touched by the openness of your heart. It is inspiring. Thank you for sharing yourself and your journeys. Do not be discouraged by your reach. It is impossible to know. Sometimes we never see the fruits of our labor or ‘know’ how many have been fed and sometimes it is meant to be just so. As above, so below. Be in peace…

  • I understand. It’s hard to step back from the ego. And it’s easy to feel that you’ve lost your way. Before you go, consider what else you have gained through your posts besides just the “likes” and then as you take your break ask yourself if those things are a reason to blog for.

  • I have had to “step back” many times. And I have finally found a peace in sharing — no longer the “likes”. Wishing you peace and happiness, Rob.

  • I shall not presume to be as influential as you are, but this post hit a bit too close to home. I will wait for your return.

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