My Recovery: The Hell With Triggers

my_recovery

I’m proud of myself!  Yesterday I was faced with two events that normally would have triggered me to drink.  I won’t get into what they were, suffice it to say one was a major disappointment, the other was an awful reminder of the life I once had.

I have had little chance to experience “bumps in the road” in my sobriety.  I am in a treatment facility that is safe and that holds you accountable in your recovery.  Since they test randomly, a lot of folks feel that the true test of recovery doesn’t occur until you are on your own.  I disagree.

Although I am randomly tested, I still choose not to pick up.  I don’t care where I end up finding myself, sobriety is a choice I make everyday.  And, to me, it doesn’t matter where I am:  I am still responsible for my actions and reactions.change on justruminating men's blog

With yesterday’s two triggers I would have normally just gone to the package store and stocked up.  I didn’t.  I would have normally let my mind wrap itself around the issues and unravel.  I did not.  I refused to give those two events any more attention or emotions than a “healthy” person would have.  I have come so far!

I am so proud of myself for maintaining my mental health–something I wrote about yesterday “Change The Tape.”  I let my feelings come, then I took an honest look at both events and dealt with them.  I dealt with life on life’s terms.  And you know what happened?  Nothing!  I didn’t have a meltdown.  I didn’t go to the drink.  I didn’t even let them ruin my night!  I simply let them be what they were and moved on.

Yes, I do not need to be in “real life” to know that my recovery plan is doing just fine.  I am doing just fine.  I no longer have to let my past define my present, and I no longer need to let the future dictate my feelings.  I can simply live in the now, live fully present.  I can simply deal with them, and then go fold the laundry.

growth on justruminating men's blog

48 comments

  • Change not chance… Thanks for this Rod

  • Best wishes on your journey. And thank you for swinging by the “Ranch.” We ❤︎ visitors especially courageous ones willing to share their stories.

  • Well worth applause!

  • Im starting a new comment thread, the other one became too small for my liking. Lol
    And had it been criticism it would have been alright. a suggestion is fine too and I’m going to do such a thing for you. 🙂
    I tend to get very questiony when something sparks a curious bone in me. I was thinking it was a personal preference for you. I have my own with what looks pleasing and satisfying to me. I tend to be a visual person so that plays a large part in my comfort levels. When it’s regarding something I’ve written, I’m especially interested in making it appear and read as I think it should.
    In other words, I have the same inclination to have something look good to my as you have. I just took a million words to say that one thing. Jeez. 🙂

  • “The true test is when you’re on your own”, but you disagree. Right! It’s true tests all the way down. Some are easier, some harder, and for you it appears they are all generally becoming less difficult… But all tests are ‘true’.
    Good post.

  • Your shared personal successes motvat and encourage other people. Which I believe is your goal.
    Those both are wonderful 🙂

    • Thanks so very much! I am hoping that maybe all the shit I have put myself through, that others have put me through, and that the universe is now currently taking care of, will not be all for not! Ugh, I think I tried to include too many “that’s” I also write just out of sheer boredom on some days.

      • I actually like repetitive words, sometimes they make the exact point you want to.
        I have a personal philosophy that nothing is for naught.
        It goes along well with another philosophy that every action has a reaction so that we can assume all things we do or don’t do will make some sort of a mark. Somehow. Best to be mindful 🙂

      • Love that philosophy. The Law of Reciprocity. Think Abundance here! And hell, I don’t even argue with you when I comment on your blog (you know the reference, lmao) Oh, I was going to make a subtle suggestion, try justifying your text, your type will look SO MUCH prettier…sorry, slight OCD with that. I like what you’ve done with the place.

      • Hahaha, and nothing ever stops him!
        But on a serious note, anyone disagreeing with me is fine, I don’t mind, in fact I prefer genuineness anyhow. He and I just disagree an inordinate amount!
        Justify my text on which post? All of them?

      • Try it, see if you like it

      • What makes you feel like it looks prettier that way? Just a preference?
        Poetry or everything I post?

      • OCD on linear qualities. No criticism here, just aesthetics. Try it see if you like it. Poetry excluded

  • Fantastic! Well done sunny side up! <3

  • Amazing Rob. That is something I strive for. Some days are easier than others. xxx

  • Nice job Rob. After having several moons under my belt, I still have times where my mind wanders, “I can just have one. No one will know”. Today I tell people, “Today I do have a choice to pick up a drink. But I know where that will lead in the end. I will not drink just one, a 12 pack, a 30 pack or a few bottles of liquor. I will eventually take drugs that I’ve never taken (heroin), overdose and die.” I needed that “structure” in the beginning ; early in sobriety I didn’t trust myself nor did I want to take that chance. I never will tell someone that I won’t relapse; there is also a chance for relapse if I’m not physically, mentally and spiritually fit. I’m glad to hear of your success today!!

    • Fabulous share in your aspect. I share the same opinions and feelings. I always tell myself in the morning “I can’t drink today, but I can tomorrow.” I don’t know why, but it always seems to do the trick. Thank you for your thoughtful comment

  • I’m happy for you, Rob. Thank you for sharing. I hope that steels you and keeps you on the great path you are on.

  • Gratz–every day is a victory! When faced with challenges, it’s easy to think “if only”. Good for you, thinking it all the way through–the only way to feel better is to get better.

  • Very happy for you, Rob! 🙂

  • This is wonderful to hear, Rob. You have every right to be proud of yourself and the progress you have made. Good for you! 🙂

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