My Recovery: It’s Now Or Never


So it’s been a little while since I discussed my recovery. I can’t catch you all up if you haven’t been following, but here is the Reader’s Digest version:
On May 12, 2016 I went to jail for 5 months. I cam out sober into a 2 month program, then I went to the current program. I’ve been here for 3 1/2 months.
There you go! Well, on Tuesday I had a phone interview with the new place I have been considering. Normally I have been applying the principles of Acceptance, Gratitude, Spirituality, Mindfulness and living in the Now, to cope with day to day situations. Alas, after my phone call, this was not to be!
What happened is that I turned all the information about the new place into negatives. I was also upset that they wanted me to move there next Monday or Tuesday. I had a meltdown. I got sad, pissed, depressed. I was considering looking for another program. If it were not for my best friend, it could have been much worse. But, thanks to her love, understanding, and insightful advice, I was able to come to my senses.
It was about a 2 hour period of time that I was distraught. I was pissed at myself for not utilizing my coping strategies. I should have seen this coming. By the time I went to bed that evening, I had pretty much resolved the situation in my mind. I was back to my old self-pretty much-and decided to bite the bullet. But the situation had me wondering: why the meltdown?” Why such an emotional response to moving onward and upward in my sobriety?
The answer crept up on me sometime yesterday. I was afraid! I feared moving out of the safety and security of the institutions I’ve been part of for nearly 11 months! I was shocked. This new program is much more like living on your own than relying upon a program with a slew of staff at your beck and call. I realized that in treatment I may have gotten a little too comfortable. I did what I was supposed to do, but I didn’t put in due diligence and fully prepare for re-entry into the “real” world. I will not make that mistake again, I can assure you.
The new place quite demanding in getting you to pursue a job and a place to live as soon as possible. They require rent. They require you to provide for yourself in every basic way. They also do not drug test. So recovery is now “real:” no safety net to keep you from drinking. I realized that the thought of being thrust into society like that made me very apprehensive. Then I started thinking it through and had the kinds of thought processes I have had all along: I GOT THIS. It’s time to get it done.
Any program or place I go is going to have its pluses and minuses. I reacted immaturely, and irrationally. But I recovered quickly and got my head out of my ass! Any place I go is going to be one step closer to getting my life back. Any place I go I will need to integrate myself back into living my own life. It’s one step closer to perhaps going back to school. Life is standing at my doorstep. Sink or Swim. Game Time. The Big Show. And you know what? I GOT THIS.
I am going to face the challenges head on and come out on top. I am not going to worry about finding a place to live, a job, food, rent, or any other obstacle. I am going to live in the NOW, as in right this moment. I am going to focus on what I can control and let go of what I cannot. And, although I did lose my shit for a few hours, I got myself back to good pretty quickly. And I allowed myself to show vulnerability to my friend, and she came through with flying colors. I am blessed. Truly.
So that’s it folks. I should be moving out of here within 2 weeks. Onward and upward. I’m ready for the next challenge. I will update you once I get settled. And I am ready for Spring!
I think it’s normal to feel apprehensive, change of any kind is hard. We all create little comfort zones for ourselves. Well done for going forward. I hope we get to see some of your great poems again in the future. Go well! 🙂
I truly admire your courage. You’re right, you’ve got this. So proud of you and I’ll be watching this space 🙂
Thank you so much!
I too am going through the same thing but with no deadline. Since my drive to work is costing me time and money, I told myself I would move closer come Spring. Spring has sprung, I’m not ready at all. Fear – have it all the time. Increased rent, more expenses, new place, new neighbors (maybe) – some days I get myself in such a teether I can’t think straight. I need to face the fear(s), plan and get moving. This is what I needed to inspire me to put that step forward to make things happen. Thank you for posting.
Sending you good vibes! ❤
Got ’em, thanks!
Excellent! You’re welcome 😊
Your human Rob, don’t be so hard on yourself. What counts is you understanding the problem and rectifying it. My best wishes on this new journey and keep us all updated. Love reading your blogs and connecting with you. God bless.
Thank you again, i appreciate your comments
I loved reading this Rob. There is not a doubt in my mind that you can do this.
Oh, and meltdown are perfectly acceptable, ya know.
Thanks so much Bec! I appreciate your vote of confidence and your steadfast support!
Best wishes on your new journey and may you find lovely things along the way to inspire and motivate you.
This goes to show you there can be positive in even negative situations. Yes you got upset and maybe over reacted a little but it made you question why you had that reaction. In doing so you uncovered a wise realization and reality check. Change is inevitable but sometimes can be very necessary for growth
You’re a smart woman aren’t You? Thank you for such words of encouragement!
Any time! Your posts always have a meaningful message
ThAnks!
I agree with others about not being so hard on yourself. You’re in recovery, but your still a human😋 You hit this Rob!
Thank you Reena! I hope you are doing ok
I happy you have been doing well. Keep on fighting!
I have admiration for everyone who works toward sobriety. Great for you! May God bless you richly in this next venture of yours.
Thank you so much! Thats very kind
I was going to email you to see what’s going on. Thanks for the update, exciting days ahead!! And I agree, don’t be so hard on yourself!!
Thank you again!
As far as getting upset, it happens. You can’t be so hard on yourself for being human. I get upset if I have to change an appointment. I like structure, and an appointment is nothing like changing my whole living situation, like you are having to. So, don’t be too hard on yourself for having a normal reaction. The end result is that you didn’t stay in that “reaction” You became proactive and are doing what you have to, that’s the accomplishment 🙂 You have the right mindset. You will accomplish everything you set out to do.
Thank you. I do truly miss your support. I msy begin to wrote a little again. Maybe
That’s nice of you to say. If you start writing again soon great, but you got to do what’s best for you. I know your writing helps others as well as you but it shouldn’t be a “you have to write” You are certainly missed but everyone understands 🙂 We’ll all still be here when you are ready to jump back in.
I’ve dipped the foot on the pool. Perhaps when I get settled again I’ll ease in. It’s very nice of you to say that. You hsve always been one of my most treasured folks here, please know that. You are most generous with your time and your loving comments. Its never been lost on me
🙂 🙂
You can do it Rob.
That is quite a big change to cope with, but you can handle it Rob.