From jail, to the end of my treatment in 3 different V.A. Treatment Centers, this part of My Story uncovers the journey of my recovery. I vividly, and candidly chronicled my day to day struggles with recovery, mental health, amends, and dealing with the V.A. empire on my blog from October of 2016, to the end of 2017. You can find these musings in the Archives. However, in the coming weeks, I look back at those experiences and give you a more coherent story of my life In Recovery. I look back on that year with more insight as to what was happening, and share with you the principles and actions that built the foundation for my ongoing recovery.
|Before Recovery||Part 1: A Problem||Part 2: Jail Time||Part 3: Reality Check||Part 4: VA Program|
|Pt. 5: Jamaica Plain||Pt. 6: Brockton I||Pt 6: Brockton II||Pt 6: Brockton III||Pt. 7: Cherry St. I|
|Pt. 7: Cherry St. II||Pt. 7: Cherry St. III|
VA Treatment Jamaica Plain
I was in the recovery program at the VA in Jamaica Plain Massachusetts from the time I got out of jail (10/7/16) until December 16th, 2016. Up until that point, the only formal treatment I ever received for my alcoholism was a stint in Rehab back in October of 2011. I was unused to going to Group Therapy.
I had tremendous difficulties acclimating to my new surroundings. This was partly because about 15 men were crammed into a double-wide trailer home. It felt like everyone was on top of one another all the time. I also found it very difficult to share in the groups.
A Blog Is Born
So, I decided to create this blog, determined to chronicle my life before, and in recovery. I decided early on that I had to be brutally honest. As the days wore on in the program, I devoted myself intensely to sharing my thoughts and feelings. I also began writing poetry after a long absence from it, and shared my poems as well. During my time at Sarrtp, I never took one pass or met anyone outside the Veterans and Staff; I had no family in the area and my so-called ‘friends’ were nowhere to be found.
Also, shortly after creating my blog, I engaged in a tumultuous online relationship that took its toll on me emotionally for a couple of months. Romanticizing a relationship with a woman with serious CPTSD, who had been commenting on my poetry wasn’t helping. My emotions went haywire when, after about three weeks of mutual engagement, this woman suddenly freaked out and broke off contact. I was crushed. It dramatically affected my day to day functioning and I realized that I had serious emotional issues and needed help.
The Program Grind
Many of the Mental Health Records I have access to via the VA’s My HealthEVet (which would prove extremely valuable to me as I will share down the road) website, spoke not only to those difficulties, but also the difficulties I had practicing my social skills. Well, that’s because I essentially had none.
Without booze to fuel my comedy and aggressiveness, I was painfully self-conscious and shy! Now that’s not a word anyone would use to describe me before. I was considered abrasive when I talked, a loner when I didn’t share in the zeal of reliving my drinking days with the residents in the evening. Moving right along…
SARRTP (Substance Abuse Recovery and Rehabilitation Program) was pretty much Group Therapy from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.. There were several beneficial groups, but I have to admit: listening to some of my fellow Veterans drone on was taking its toll. We also had Discharge Planning sessions, bi-weekly meetings with our treatment teams, medical appointments. Looking back, I realize it was the best possible arrangement. I was ill-prepared for sobriety outside the walls of jail. I needed this kind of structure just to make it through the day.
The following is the schedule we had, as best as I can remember:
|Time v & Day >||Monday||Tuesday||Wednesday||Thursday||Friday|
|8:15 – 8:45||House Meeting||House Meeting||House Meeting||House Meeting||House Meeting|
|9:00-10:45||Relapse Prevention||Mindfulness||Relapse Prevention||Mindfulness||Relapse Prevention|
|11:00 – 11:45||Acceptance||Life Skills||Acceptance||Life Skills||Acceptance|
|11:45 – 12:45||Lunch||Lunch||Lunch||Lunch||Lunch|
|1:00 – 2:45||CBT||Seeking Safety||CBT||12 Step||CBT|
|3:00 – 4:00||Relationships||Working in Recovery||Spirituality||Sleep Ed||Wrap Up|
As you can see, they kept us busy. We even had two meditation sessions per weekend. Not to mention the countless homework assignments that were due on a constant basis. Yup, the VA was going to get their money’s worth out of me, and mine out of it. The programs were mostly very appealing. However, my recovery would not have suffered if I did not have to attend the Spirituality and Sleep Education Groups. I think those were really just filler for the end of the day, when they probably sensed most of us were tapped out from the heavy duty classes that came before.
A Snapshot of VA Treatment
Listed below are most of the groups I participated in almost from the very first day I was brought to Sarrtp. The descriptives are from my MyHealthEVet records.
Relapse Prevention: Veteran will identify personal relapse triggers and develop skills to prevent relapse.
Mindfulness Group: Veteran will use mindfulness skills such as: Please Skills, ABC Skills, Three Minds, Distress Tolerance, and Emotional Regulation to maintain sobriety.
Acceptance & Recovery: Veteran will explore thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that are related to internal conflicts and external stressors and their impact on substance abuse and recovery. (The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Steven C. Hayes, Ph.d and The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie- treatment protocol).
Life Skills: Anger Management. Establishing good social supports. Establishing good supportive relationships. Handling Stressors. Money Management
Seeking Safety: Veteran will be able to use specific strategies to effectively reduce or regulate uncomfortable emotions.
Relationships in Recovery: Veteran will explore thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that are related to interpersonal relationships, interpersonal difficulties, and their impact on substance abuse and recovery with the Relationships in Recovery (Green, unpublished manual) treatment protocol.
12 Step Group: This continuing group is designed to facilitate participation in Alcoholics Anonymous or other Twelve Step groups such as Narcotics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous in order to maintain sobriety. Group members will explore and discuss various aspects of the Twelve Step process such as Spirituality, Principles, Not Personalities, Sponsorship and Living Sober.
CBT Group: Veteran will increase his awareness of his cognitive styles and their influence on his emotions and behaviors. Veteran will learn strategies for restructuring his cognitions to reduce relapse risk and improve his mood.
Working In Recovery: This group focuses on what intrinsic benefits of returning to work are, Vocational Rehabilitation Compensated Work Therapy programs (Transitional Work Experience and Supported Employment), and the barriers faced with trying to obtain and maintain employment while in recovery.
Spirituality: Veterans will learn ways to expand their capacity to understand themselves, others and life from a spiritual perspective in order to become more equipped to prevent relapse.
In addition to all the groups, I also had lots of health appointments, therapy sessions with VA Psychiatrists (who were assembling various diagnoses), and individual therapy with Molly, my therapist. As far as therapists go Molly is at the top. I have been in and out of therapy since my early teens. I used to joke that I was a professional patient. Molly had a way of cutting through the veil and identifying the true issues at hand, to startling effect.
In 2013, when I first came to the VA for medications, I did get assigned a therapist by the name of Dr. Anna Ticlea. Up until I met Molly, Dr. Ticlea had been tops. She was the first mental health professional to diagnose me with Bipolar I Disorder…but that’s another story. However, Dr. Ticlea was primarily my psychiatrist responsible for overseeing my medications. Molly was a Board Certified Psychologist.
Well, let me just say that, by the end of our first session I was reeling with concepts of myself that I wasn’t too sure I wanted to pursue. But Molly had opened up a Pandora’s Box of sorts, and I was left thinking about them just days before my move to a new VA Treatment Program called REACH, in Brockton, Ma.
Of particular note: my self-concept was challenged, and my approach to relationships may have been grounded in a deep fear of abandonment. There will be much more about my sessions with Molly in future posts. You can count on it!
Because of the facts that I had no money, nowhere to live, and nobody I could rely upon to help me, I decided to take advantage of another VA treatment program. Called REACH, this program focuses on group therapies, but also adds a work component called CWT (Compensated Work Therapy). CWT enables Veterans in early recovery to work for minimum wage. The program is also heavily geared towards enabling Veterans to transition safely out of a domiciliary program. I was excited to have an opportunity to earn some money, for I had none for the duration of my treatment at Jamaica Plain.
However, I almost didn’t get to go there because of another Veteran named Bill. I’m not going to get into all the details here, the posts about that whole incident can be found in my Flipbook below. Suffice it to say, I dodged a bullet that never should have been shot at me in the first place. The incident drew many of my fellow Veterans away from me, unfairly I might add, and served to isolate me further from them.
Read About My Recovery As I Lived It
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Onwards and Upwards
I was ready to move beyond VA treatment at the Jamaica Plain campus. The close quarters, the rigorous schedule, and the treatment by some of my fellow Veterans was wearing me thin. The two months at Sarrtp gave me a great foundation for my recovery.
I had endured some gut-wrenching sessions in group therapy, as well as with my private sessions with Molly. What I wasn’t prepared for, was that my emotions would continue to wreak havoc on me in the coming months at REACH, the VA treatment program in Brockton Ma: the city where I lived with my psychotic ex.