Well dear readers, it’s time for me to once again simplify my life. I will not be posting anything on my blog until further notice. I’m exhausted from the reading and writing. I have lost some of my purpose. The purpose that led me to this place. I am exhausted and I am disillusioned.
Before I lose my way completely, I have to step back. I am going to work ardently on my Inexhaustible Life of Chaos, my life story. I will be posting only sections of this work as I finish each section. I hope that you will still be around for this. I have not penned one single word yet, and I don’t know when that will be.
I will probably lose some of what is here. I guess some of us–if not all to some degree–are used to internet “likes.” Likes on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and WordPress. Have we gone outside ourselves for the love we all so desperately need? Have we become a culture of instant “feel good?” Have we come to the idea that we are okay based upon how many “likes” we amass?
I know perhaps I have. Perhaps you have not. If you haven’t, congratulations on your incredible intestinal fortitude. But this writer has cared too much about how many readers have read his work. This writer wants to change the world, save everyone. I can’t do that. I am only on Instagram and WordPress. I feel let down when something I have created doesn’t receive the audience I thought it would. For me, that is not how I intend to live my life.
I have tried to do too much, I think, with my blog. My expectations–symptomatic of my Ego–have been unrealistic and disappointing. I’m not saying I have a big Ego. I am saying this stems from Ego (and ID as well). I have learned that I am not that important. I can thank my Borderline Personality Disorder for trying to be more important than I am.
I am not saying I am not of value. But I have been humbled by this experience. I realize that, once again, I have fallen in the trap of looking without for what I can find within. My validation is not to be found in a world of “likes.” It is to be found in my personal introspections and meditations.
That being said, I welcome you to peruse my other 900+ posts. However, I am not under any delusion about that: most folks read through the reader. And, since I will not be posting what I have always called “fresh cuts,” my readership will plummet. Oh well, I no longer care about that–as I shouldn’t. At first my Ego was disheartened at this, which only further cemented the fact that I need to press pause on this world.
I know that my Ego has gotten in the way. It is not easy to confess that I have fallen prey to this world of illusion. I need to work on controlling my ego and find a balance for myself. I want to write my story because I still see the value of writing for my recovery. But I have, as I do with everything, taken this blog to the extreme.
Therefore, thank you all for your loving support. I have met some INCREDIBLE people here. I have met some of the loveliest souls I have ever met, and I will see you all again. I can’t tell you how very grateful I am for the kindness, the loving comments, the attention those of you who have truly been committed to me and my work. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
I do wish you all the joy and happiness that life can bring if you just give it a chance. Give yourself the compassion you deserve. Travel the road to yourself. And, when I finish the first in my series of my Inexhaustible Life of Chaos, it will posted here. I will be posting the 2nd winner of my Robust Ruminator Award soon as well.
And, as always, you may reach me at my email address should you ever just need a kind soul to hear you. firstname.lastname@example.org
May your Higher Power bless you all with infinite serenity.