My Mother Cannot Love


momcannotlove on justruminating men's blogmy mother cannot love

her heart dead with death
barely feels the air pass by
the soaked filter of her butt.

my mother doesn’t love

curtains cast shadows in her view
doesn’t matter though same scene
different day must be comforting.

my mother has no love

who isn’t there for real her fiction
pumps life into her imprisoned mind
while nicotine fingers stub out the rest.

my mother lost her love

more vague delusions must choke
the life right out of her sunken chest
memories dying over time repeatedly.

[My mother passed in 2013.  I wrote this piece 10 years prior. This is a memory from when I was 12.  She used to just sit at the table and drink the tea she had me make and stare out of the window.  I never knew why until I got much, much older.  Thank God we made our amends together.  She is with my brother–who died at 8–and sister who died at 3.]

31 comments on “My Mother Cannot Love”

  1. I admire and salute you for forgiving and moving on, I was really sad to read that a mother cannot love, but I don’t judge, something must have affected her terribly for that to happen, and you never put in the word -“want” – not once did you say she never wanted to love – so this is not on her own violation maybe – well peace has been made and a little part of you has mended that’s important to get from here to the next point. Thank you for sharing from the heart – you have lots of love I can see.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, the reason is the death of her two children, so she pushed everything away to protect herself from further loss. Thus the notation at the bottom, that I don’t usually put there and the picture of the Grim Reaper. I wanted people to understand WHY, not that she was a bad mother. The death of two children would drop kings to their knees, yet she fought on until her third bout of the third kind of cancer killed her.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Death deals a blow like no other, its a permanence after all, its touched everyone at some point, maybe for others at a point when their spirit was at its lowest, like your Mama, I too experienced such loss once a long time ago, its never forgotten. Some people just climb out of the sadness, its a real thing you know, sadness has arms that hug you closer, better than happiness can. So some stay in that embrace longer. I appreciate the sharing…truly.


  2. Very intense, Rob. Glad to know you made amends. Reminds me of J.K. Rowlings quote, very funny yet very powerful, that released something within me. It was empowering, so sharing, as a sidenote:
    “There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, I did lol. My mom wore rose colored glasses because if she didn’t, she would have unraveled. My father has hinted vaguely that he might be a little sorry. Good enough for me. I haven’t time to have the ball and chain of the past slowing me down. Thank you for your comments and support.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Yaz. I knew that something was amiss, but it took me many years to learn the truth behind my father and mother’s terrible lives. It helped me to forgive and to accept them as human beings, not the monsters who tormented me. I guess I forgave and moved on.

      Liked by 1 person

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