Someone just recently asked me if it was possible to be accountable on a blog. That is to say, can I hold myself accountable for my addiction to a bunch of strangers?
Well, first of all, I don’t consider any of you strangers. Obviously I do not know over 1,100 of you intimately. But I do believe I can hold myself accountable by telling the truth to you here.
Does that replace holding myself accountable in the “real” world? Of course not. Many of you who have been following me know that I have been in jail. You know I was in an 8 week program. You know I am currently in a 3 month program. And, you know that I am going onto a 6 month work program.
I have also posted the most difficult letter I have ever had to write: the one to my Ex-Wife. You also got to read her scathing response. So this idea that we can’t hold ourselves accountable, unless we make amends to a person we have harmed, and also disclose the exact nature of our wrongdoings to another person, to me is not true.
I suppose it is certainly safer to do so here. You are on the other side of the computer from me. You are not physically present for my disclosures. Does this lessen the impact of my revelations to you? Do you think that it is possible for an addict to be able to come clean online and have it matter?” Or do you think it’s a cop-out from the “real” thing?
Those of you who follow me know that I do not pitch one form of recovery over another. I practice multiple approaches to keep me sober. To me, you are very real, very tangible, and I am still daunted by some of the details of the exact natures of my wrongdoings yet to be told to you.
I do not believe that one should make amends to those we have harmed. In most instances they want nothing to do with us. None of my former girlfriends or wife want anything to do with me. I haven’t really harmed that many people. I have harmed mainly myself. So I have to make amends to my community here.
And I think that counts for something…big time