My Ruminations: Letter To My Ex Wife Follow Up



So, it’s been a full two weeks since I wrote my Letter To My Ex Wife.  In that letter I apologized for my behavior during our marriage.  I also pleaded with her to speak to my two 20+ year old sons, to see if they would consider talking to me or visiting with me.

I know the letter went to the right house.  I know that she probably read it, because I used an official looking V.A. envelope.  I didn’t write anything but her address on the envelope.

My oldest son, Nick (24) is in the Marines, so I thought she would think it was about him.  But I guess I can’t be 100% sure.

See, the thing is, I don’t feel I was so terrible that it justifies my kids hating me so much and not wanting to have any contact with me.  It really hurts me tremendously that they would just continue to feel this way after all these years.

uncle bob (r.i.p.), unt sue, me (100lbs extra ago!), half-sister Jesse, Matt (now 22), Nick (now 24)

I was a terrific father to them once I left the household.  I know that sounds odd, but I was so much better with them than when I was at home.  I never drank or was drunk in front of my children, not ever.

I took them hiking, fishing, on trips, swimming, etc.  I always hugged them and told them I loved them.  I always spent my visitation with them completely focused on them.  I was never distracted by phones, the computer, television.

I guess that’s why I was hoping some of that would creep over to them as they got older.  I haven’t seen them in over 10 years.  It is very difficult for me to accept that they do not want to see me, but I made many efforts through the years.

And today, I have to accept this possible outcome.  I will probably write another letter.  But for now, I am going to have to live with the silence.

42 comments on “My Ruminations: Letter To My Ex Wife Follow Up”

  1. It hurts , but eventually she will come around. You will get to see your sons, I am very sure deep down they must be longing to see you too. No one can keep you apart for long. Just you wait and see.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What bothers me in your case is their seemingly unwillingness to hear your side, or to forgive, or to even give you a chance. I don’t understand. I love my dad. I wished more than anything for him to quit drinking and get better and he did. So I reached out and I don’t regret it. No things aren’t perfect between us but nothing ever is. All I can say is take it slow, but don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s really sad that your sons don’t want to see you right now but I really hope they can see how much you’ve changed and tried so hard to get your life together and want to see you again some day.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Rob,

    I know how much you love your boys. I remember you telling me how awesome it was to spend time with them. I remember you asking me for fishing advise so you could become a better fishing “Dad” I remember how proud you were at how talented of a baseball player one (or both?) of them was (were). I remember how badly you felt about your situation. Stay the course buddy, thing’s will work out how they were intended. You are a good person, and I am proud to be your friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Erik, thank you for those words of affirmation. I should call you I think I have your number somewhere. I’ve just been having a fuck of a time these past few years


  5. I’m sorry Rob, it is painful. I didn’t see or speak to my mom or sister for almost 20 years. It was painful, but if this helps at all, after 20 years out of the blue we began to talk again. It is better than it ever was. My mom will sometimes say how she is sorry that she wasn’t here for me. How I had to struggle all alone, I tell her that if we didn’t go through that, we wouldn’t be here now. If we had forced it all those years we might not be speaking to each other now, or ever. That those forced years would not have made us as strong as we are now. I believe we are closer now because of it, and we certainly appreciate each other more than we ever did before. The same goes with my sister. God bless you brother!!

    Liked by 1 person

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