My Miscellany: Discontentment

29 comments

wp-1485298089762.jpgSo I thought I would throw a few subjects together because they all seem interrelated.

First of all, as many of you know, I have entered Phase 2 of this treatment program, which means about 15 less groups and mainly work.

Well, my job at the grounds keeping facility is, in fact, no job at all.  The majority of the time we sit in the maintenance building and watch tv!

Yeah, exactly.  I am like wtf?  This is supposed to be work therapy.  I don’t know if I am going to be able to do nothing for the next two months.  Some of the guys around here seem to think I shouldn’t complain.  Well, I’m not some of those guys.

First of all, an honest days pay for an honest days work.  Second of all, I’m bored to hell!  Apparently this happens with a lot of the Therapy Jobs.  They have assigned one guy the bowling alley, and the bowling alley has been broken for three months!  Other guys spend their day trying to hide until their shifts are over.  There’s something completely wrong when supervisors are not holding us accountable for our Work Therapy end of treatment.  Just sayin’.

discontentment on justruminating men's blog

My other topic is I am getting sick and tired of some of these dudes here.  I know, it sounds awful.  But man, just to hear the voices of some of these whiners and shit-talkers is fraying my patience.  Looking at some of them is no better.

I know, I have to check my attitude and find a way to get spiritual about this.  I am just sick of people complaining about everything.  I am sick of people talking behind other people’s backs, then smiling to their faces.  Ugh, and you wonder why I have trouble making friends.

Oh, and it was priceless earlier.  There I was typing away and not 20 feet inside the tv room was one of my “friends” bashing me to a new resident (who was with us both at the other program).  I was like “I heard my name, did you need me?”  A bunch of bumbling followed.  Back stabbing asswipe!

Anyway.  I’ve got to do some gut checking here because both the residents, and this bogus job, have been bugging me out for the past two days.  I can’t seem to get my head right.  Maybe I should just go back to having my air of complete indifference?  I dunno.  Just some miscellany I’m tossing around.

29 comments on “My Miscellany: Discontentment”

  1. Toss away. Writing is so cathartic and the work you’re doing is hard. People’s ignorance and adult-child behaviors try my patience too. When I’m not strong or in a good place it’s harder to have grace for myself and others. I take time away to be alone and remember that all of our ‘ugly’ behaviors are just expressions of not feeling loved. Love the parts of you that hurt first. Then it’s easier to be understanding when we see it in others. You probably already know all that. 😉

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  2. Ugh! That sounds awful! Though I have to admit that I laughed out loud when I read that a guy got assigned to a bowling alley that’s been broken for three months. That’s a special kind of ridiculous. :-/ Are there any other jobs you could be assigned to? I’m with you – I would be so bored sitting around all day watching TV.

    I guess, no matter what the job, at least Phase 2 is one phase closer to completion! You’re on the road to recovery, and you’re moving forward. This is a good thing.

    I am very glad you at least have time to blog. 🙂

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    1. Yes that was funny right? I asked him today what he did all day. He said he mainly tells people who show up that the bowling alley is broken lmao. He spends the rest of the day shooting pool. I picked up trash and twigs for 46 mins and then I was done. Some work therapy program. Im afraid to ask about another job, at least I can go outside. I don’t watch t.v. I read blogs during the day. It’s helping cause my readership just took off. Silver lining afterall

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      1. That’s true. It’s liking blogging is your full-time job. That’s pretty fabulous when you think about it.

        Does the guy shoot pool by himself in the broken bowling alley?! That mental picture us super sad to me, lol.

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  3. I can see why you’re frustrated. That whole situation would be crazy making. I have had friends say many of the same type things when they were in rehab. It seems that people who are ready — and by that I mean people who are truly trying & want to get better, like you — and those who are actually doing the work of rehab are few, even in rehab programs. And unfortunately there are many who like you mentioned want it to be easy. I mean, i guess it’s unfair to say that they don’t want it, but it takes some longer than others to figure that out. They want it to be easy & it’s not. In my opinion, for whatever that’s worth, distancing yourself as much as possible is your best bet. Blogging about your frustrations (like this) along with journaling, art — any individual activity — will help you most during this phase. It doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re anti-social or that you’ll never connect again; it simply means that you’re more evolved at this stage and focused on recovery, and going into yourself is the best strategy at this stage based on your circumstances. Hard work would help with that especially since that’s the design of the program, but since that’s not happening due to circumstances beyond your control, you’re exactly right in that you’re going to have to find a productive way to work around it and to a degree tune out the others. Easier said than done for sure. You’re on the right path. All the best to you as you move through this trying phase.

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    1. Wow, thank you so much. That’s EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Sometimes counselors say I’m not mingling enough. I’m like, but these aren’t my people, folks like you are! And I’m not isolating, I find different things to channel my energies toward. Thank you so much for such a thorough and insightful comment!

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  4. That is a shame. Can you keep notebook and pen with you instead of watching tv? I suppose that still defeats the purpose… I wish you peace and calm. Remember, you don’t ever have to see these guys again when you leave. And March isn’t that far away. 🙏

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  5. You have to find something which you really like doing in order to replace the empty space and time that you used to spend on alcohol. That is always the biggest problem. I don’t want to get into too many details, but I have always seen it working. That is without any programs and groups, just with willpower and finding something which takes you 100% over. For many people it is art, writing or sports. For some: research and writing articles, etc. There is something for everyone. If you like food, you can get into depth with food, just stay away from any place, any company, any acquaintance, any person who can potentially put you back on the wrong path.
    Therefore, being bored instead of achieving something that makes you happy simply because you did that, isn’t any therapy at all. That’s pretty much wasted time. Anybody who’s been addicted to something has already wasted some part of their life. We only get one chance. It’s certainly worth filling up time with more interesting, more meaningful things.
    I personally know that there is nothing we cannot do on our own. It is good to be supported, etc. How about when you are alone? You simply work on having a strong belief that what you are doing is going to return you to good and worthwhile life. That’s all we need. To be useful, to be loved for who we are. Even if the past has been terrible that doesn’t mean the future must be, too.
    Most people who are my age (58) who I knew and and who didn’t give up alcohol are already either disabled or gone. Cutting off something which, in fact, you never needed in the first place, is good. Never look back and never take the first glass believing that you are stronger. Cravings last only a few seconds, that’s when we strongly forbid ourselves to even imagine what that would be. I wish you strength. https://inesepogalifeschool.com/

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  6. I would be upset myself. Even though when you first hear “Work Therapy” you kind of groan inside it provides a distraction from your thoughts. Instead of sitting around like some people, stewing in their own juices and having too much time to think about the would’ve, could’ve, should’ves floating around in their heads, work distracts you from doing that. There’s a reason for it. It also prepares people for when they’re ready to leave. So I’m with you on the frustration of it. And anytime you get a group of people together there’s going to be conflict. That will never go away unfortunately.

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    1. Well if it continues I’m going to the director. I’m not doing my recovery job sitting in front of a t.v. the problem with the residents is a separate issue unrelated to work

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