I’ve decided to try a new feature in my blog: Sunny Side Up (I actually like over medium eggs lol) me trying to be my funny, sarcastic, positive, uplifting, grateful, off the wall self! I am going to show my positive side. My life is not all doom and gloom, And WovenEclipse helped me see that. So, thank you Rebecca!
Today I celebrate 7 months of sobriety! For those of you who don’t know me, I am currently in a 6 week-going on 8th week-VA Treatment Facility for Alcoholism. I will be transitioning (by my own choice, as this program has been) to a 3 month Residential Work/Treatment Program this Thursday in Brockton, Ma.
I have to take this course of action because I am still homeless, and I need to somehow manage to save what little they will be paying as a stipend for my transition back into the “real” world in mid-March.
I haven’t had more than 3 months sobriety since 1982, when I was a senior is High School. Many of the Vets that I share this residence with have been in Detox and Treatment countless times. This is my first treatment. I can’t imagine attempting sobriety and relapsing over and over again.
I was a binge drinker. I was never a nightly alcoholic until I met my EX FROM HELL. Then, for the last 2.5 years, I spiraled into a vicious cycle of abuse–yes, men can be abused–alcoholism and depression. I lost my management position. I attempted my first real suicide. I took over 100 different psych and sleep meds, but I did not die. I ended up in jail for falsified claim at the hands of my EX.
I ended up in jail on March 12. I came to this program 5 months later. Today I am sober! Today I count my blessings almost every hour. Today I am free from alcohol and all psych meds. Change is an inside job, and boy have I been sweating at it. For the first time in well over 35 years I feel like I am home.
I feel that I am back to center. I don’t fear relapse. I don’t introduce myself “Hi, I’m Rob, I’m an alcoholic.” No, I’m not an alcoholic, not anymore. I am in recovery. I have grown a tremendous amount in these pas 7 months.
I’ve let go of shame, guilt, anger. I have forgiven myself and learned to love myself again. I have a ways to go, but I can tell you this: I won’t be picking up again. Many recovering alcoholics have probably uttered those words. I’m not just saying it, I’m doing it. I have a plan for my life and alcohol is not part of it.
I am very lucky. I don’t crave alcohol, never have. I don’t muse over, I don’t think about it. The troubles I have had these past 7 months don’t trigger me to ideate on drinking. I am crystal clear on the solution: I CAN’T PICK UP. It’s really that simple for me. I feel for all my peers who seem to be tortured with cravings, visions, dreams of alcohol. I know that Gods have removed my malady. I have a new purpose in life. I am headed in a new direction.
I don’t need alcohol to blind me from my realities. I’m constantly writing here, in constantly being stark raving honest in my poetry and pieces, I have come to know an inner solitude I never knew. I am far from a well functioning enlightened human being, but I am well on my way.
I want to thank all of you, dear readers, for being there for me. For reading my words of angst, love, joy, sorrow. For penning kind words and for donating money to my campaign against my homelessness. Loneliness and boredom, if I had to identify two possible major triggers–though they are not really–have always been enemies of mine. You, dear friends, have kept me from both and have been a huge part of my recovery journey.
It is with humble gratitude I begin my walk towards an 8th month of recovery, free from the tyranny of alcoholism. I look forward to this journey with you. I pray for those yet to take that first step. I am here for any and all of you who need comfort and solace as well. The treatment center has been my home of record, but this community on wordpress is my home.