before a man
beyond the veil
within this space
before a man
beyond the veil
within this space
(this post is from 3/2017) When I wrote Men and Women Can Be Friends? WTF, I never imagined in a million years that we would fall in love. That’s right, Bec and I have fallen in love and since that post on March 30th we are now at the point that she is coming to visit me at the end of August! Who could have imagined that a just sober homeless man, and a completely isolated adventure woman, could find love via their blogs? Who could have imagined love could bloom and flourish between two lost souls 3,623 miles apart?
And what an amazing journey it has been with this woman. Talk about the best friend I ever had. Talk about the purest soul I ever knew. Talk about the sexiest body, eyes, smile I’ve ever seen. From the early days of flirting with her on her Wilderness Life Blog in early December, through the days of following her incredible journey of self-discovery on Faces of Life, and straight into video talks every single evening, we have developed an incredibly deep and profound relationship.
She has been the only person who has ever seen me behind all of my portrayals. She stood by me while I stripped away the layers and facades and finally showed her who I really was. She stood by me and showed me how to be a friend. She supported me through my recovery and never flinched when she learned every dark and dirty truth about me and my life. She has never judged me. She has never moved an inch from my side. All she did was give me the room to finally be who I was supposed to be all along. If you’ve never had yourself beaten, molested, isolated, tormented from yourself, then very little of what I am saying is going to make much sense to you.
At the same time I’d like to believe I helped her to come out of herself and see just how beautiful she really is. I think I have been there for her during some difficult times and decisions. She has been able to lean on me. I am proud that ours is a relationship built on pure and genuine honesty and trust. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me. And I do mean everything.
We have shared over 136,000 texts, 275 hours on the phone, nearly 100 emails, 80 hours of video. We have taken every relationship quiz known to the internet. We have shared deeply passionate and loving experiences. Oh, and we even played two games of Trouble, she one. Games using just phones for reference are NOT as fun as they describe online. All you have is words when you are 3,623 miles apart. And believe me, you find out EVERYTHING about your partner and yourself in a hurry!
That all being said, she wrote a poem of love and longing the other day. I have never posted one poem about her online. I decided that the poetry I write for her is going to remain deeply personal and intimate. Should she decide I should post something for her, only then will I do that. However, I did give her an answer to her poem that was asking for many different forms of love and support. I told her I would most definately share the poems; they might help someone else know the depths of love and support that two people who wish to be there for one another forever will go.
is this dog
that nips at my heels
of kind remembrance
staunch in its
and slink back
no treat for you
I always loved
you know when
give a shit.
find them on
on a warm
is where I am
we are and
you are not.
What seems so very simple
is not so what it seems;
To complicate the matter
our lives are full of dreams.
Enthralling tours of wonder
cause feelings strong to grow;
Illusions cast long shadows
on paths which lead to woe.
The world is truly lovely
so longs the heart at night;
Within the dream is shining
though distant is the light.
Hot passions tend to smolder
for those who hold them dear;
Longing will always linger
so hearts do slowly tear.
Murals seen imbued within
in love so strong the zeal;
Such scenes painted so deeply
dread time will seek to steal.
Desire’s fruit sweet ripens
love’s nectar to be found;
But dead to earth it’s falling
and makes no thoughtful sound.
To taste the fruit of Eros
resolve with joy it flies;
Cold doubt blunts the purpose
with winter’s breath it dies.
When two lovers are loving
then souls they can be free;
Stormy minds tend to becloud
sure paths one once could see.
Love songs play a melody
sublime heard in a dream;
Though softly sure it whispers
foreign can seem its theme.
A trance of love is beauty
and stunning in its hue;
Always an angst in moments
when taken out of view.
Places for peaceful knowing
keep true the soul at peace;
Paths fade in somber travels
so lost souls tend to cease.
So the quest for loves reward
pursued throughout all time;
No matter words not knowing
’tis found within the rhyme.
Yet in solemn winter, beauty must end
And the singing of birds sure fades away
No longer in thick leaves to sit and lend
A joyous tune to the children who play.
So all the color from the world does fade
So swiftly the land becomes just one hue
Thus under the snow sweet flora is laid
The color and splendor taken from view.
Grasped so swiftly, and shaken to death
All that is lovely and warm on this earth
By the abject rue of cold winter’s breath
Still truly I say there still is much mirth:
For in my heart true, I sing soft and coo,
Thankful refrains of this joy that is you.
"Better to die on your feet than on your knees."
Highlighting the meanderings and musings of my life in recovery
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“The only real revolution is in the enlightenment of the mind and the improvement of character, the only real emancipation is individual, and the only real revolutionaries are philosophers and saints.” — Will Durant
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